


The Lady of the lake

by stravisky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, Family Drama, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Slow Burn, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2018-09-01 12:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8623915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravisky/pseuds/stravisky
Summary: Everybody knows of Lexa Bois. The young woman is extraordinary by all accounts, but she is also surrounded by rumors and drama. She is as famous for being the mighty Titus Blake`s bastard child as she is for her tremendous work as a humanitarian. Despite her fame though, she leads a very private life where few people are allowed in.
Dr. Clarke Griffin is a psychiatrist that has moved across the country to follow her dream. She is competing against Lexa and the Aurora Blake Foundation for a government grant to help victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.
 
This is a story that has been stuck in my head for ages and I decided to make it into a Clexa-fic, because I love them! I will add tags for each chapter, because I don`t want to give too much away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so please excuse my mistakes. Drop me a comment if you like, I usually find them very inspirational.

The air was humid, still slightly chilling this early in the morning and big droplets of water kept dripping down on her form the leaves overhead. The water felt cold and soothing against her heated skin and burning muscles. She filled her lungs with the crisp spring air and focused all her attention to the treacherous path she was running on. The rain made roots and stones slippery, and she had come close to falling twice today in the dimly lit forest.

 

She pushed all thoughts of work and other worries to the back of her mind as her feet pounded on the soft surface of leaves and pine needles. As the clearing before the lake came into view she pushed herself extra hard, enjoying the burn in her thighs and lungs. The rapid beating of her heart and smell of early spring made her feel alive and present in the moment. She smiled to herself when she reached the little wooden pier and saw that the lights were on in her house.

 

The house was a modern two story wooden house, painted a light gray and with a rooftop terrace. It had huge windows facing the lake and a deck with a fireplace and a hot tub. It had five comfortable bedrooms, a big kitchen, living room with a fireplace, a sauna and a library. It`s most appealing trait however, was the fact that it was the only house for miles.

This was a little piece of heaven, a place to get away from the stress of her job and peoples constant demands and expectations. This was home.

She let her eyes wander over the façade of her house, noticing the bustling life inside it. As she turned away from the house and looked on to the lake her eyes lingered on the floating gazebo. A familiar tightness spread in her chest and she shut her eyes, concentrating fiercely on her breathing exercises.

After a few moments she felt back in control and started doing her yoga routine on the pier. Yoga helped her focus, stay in the present and it made her strong and flexible. It was her favorite part of her every day work out.

 

Feeling relaxed, focused and ready to start her day, Lexa headed towards her outdoor shower that was connected to her boat house. There was nothing quite like showering outside. The warm water contrasting the chilly air and all the smells of the forest around her. She had her eyes closed, enjoying the warm water cascading down her body when the sound of a car on the gravel road brought her out of the blissful moment. She turned and saw a sleek town car approaching the house. There was no mistaking the car. It was dark grey and had the company logo one the side. Lexa had seen it a thousand times, it was like a bad omen to her.

 

The car came to a halt just as Lexa tied the robe around herself and exited the shower. Two men got out and Lexa, despite being dressed in only her robe, set her face in a mask of cool professionalism. Bellamy looked properly groomed in a black tailored suit. He had even fixed his hair, which could only mean one thing; Titus had sent him. He was flanked by his ever loyal assistant John Murphy. No matter how he dressed or fixed his hair he could never look like more than a thug to Lexa. His face was set in a permanent scowl and somehow his voice was always dripping with venom.

 

“Did we catch you at a bad time Bois?” Bellamy looked amused at Lexa`s attire, but she couldn`t care less was he thought.

“Not at all.” She smiled and shrugged. “What brings you out here so early?” she didn`t have to ask. She knew what he was here for, but he wasn`t going to get it.

They stared at each other for a while, before Bellamy started speaking. He was as reluctant as she was, but unlike her, he was under his father`s thumb and had to do as he was told.

Lexa knew it was petty of her, but she sometimes enjoyed watching him squirm when he was running an errand for his father.

“We are here to pick you up. It looks better if we arrive together. So unless you are planning to wear that, I suggest you get a move on.” His tone was cold, and he held himself like he actually had the authority to tell her what to do. She almost laughed out loud at the whole situation. It was fascinating how powerful men thought that people would bend to their will if they just insisted hard enough.

 

Lexa smiled at Bellamy and Murphy and shook her head lightly. “You can tell Titus that this grant has nothing to do with Blake Enterprises. The statues of the Aurora Blake Foundation are crystal clear in regard to the relationship between his company and her charitable foundation. As are they in regard to representation, his seat on the board and what is expected of him at what he can expect in return.” Bellamy`s eyes darkened and he seemed to be grinding his teeth in frustration.

“Since the awarding of the grant today is a public event, I can`t tell you not to attend, but I will under no circumstances arrive in a Blake Enterprises car, or arrive with you, giving the impression that you are in any way related to this project.” Lexa stated matter-of-factly and turned towards her house.

“I told you this would be a fucking waste of time” Murphy scoffed and got in the car, but Bellamy remained standing outside, looking worriedly at the house.

Lexa ignored him, but stopped just before opening the door and gave him a questioning look. He looked conflicted and uncomfortable, like he wanted to speak, but didn`t know what to say, or how to say it. As Lexa`s hand touched the door handle he finally found it in him to speak.

“Is she in there?” he looked away with anguish in his eyes and Lexa almost felt sorry for him.

“Yes she is, but she is probably still sleeping. She needs a lot of rest these days” Lexa studied Bellamy`s face as bitterness settled over it, making him seem older than he really was.

“This isn`t right” he spat, anger taking over. Murphy jumped out of the car and grabbed Bellamy`s shoulder as he started to move towards the house.

Murphy pulled him back and tried to get him into the car, but Bellamy fought back, tears in his eyes.

“She should be with her family!” he shouted as Murphy finally managed to shove him into the car and slammed the door shut. He turned and looked at Lexa with a blank face before he got in and drove off.  

 

 

The house was bustling with life when she entered and the smell of omelets reminded her that she had yet to eat breakfast. As she sat down at the table in her kitchen Aden put down a plate with omelet and salad, and her tea in front of her immediately.

“Your suit in in your bedroom” he reported dutifully.

Lexa arched an eyebrow at Anya, who was sitting opposite her, drinking coffee and reading through some papers. Anya looked up and smirked before she went back to her reading.

“You went into my bedroom” she asked Aden quietly.

His eyes widened and a red fluster crept up his neck and cheeks. Without a word Anya put down her coffee and turned her attention to the flustered boy.

“Well, I… I…. Anya…” he stuttered and looked desperately between the two women at the table.

“I could have had a woman in there” Lexa said with a stern voice, and Aden looked like he was going to faint.   

A laugh filled the kitchen and everyone turned to the brunette standing in the doorway. The petite woman was looking tired, but amused, in her pajamas and fluffy slippers.

“And pigs fly.” She stated dryly. “There hasn`t been a woman in there for ages, and it sometimes worries me sis. I heard such rumors about your amazing game when I was in high school, but I haven`t seen much evidence of it since I moved in” Octavia kissed Lexa`s cheek as she walked by, ignoring her older sister`s scowl.

Aden stared wide eyed at the scene in front of him, not sure if he was off the hook, and if he was even supposed to witness his boss`s embarrassing conversation with her younger sister. Anya was chuckling and grinning wickedly at Lexa now.

 

“I will have you know that I only bring someone here if it is serious. I have an apartment in the city that is more convenient for flings.” Lexa stated feigning hurt pride.

“Whatever you say,” Octavia quipped. “I`ll have my breakfast in front of the TV, since you guys obviously have something going on here today”.

 

 

 

Today was an important day for Lexa. The announcement of the winner of the government grant to set up a help-center for victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse was today. Lexa had high hopes for winning it, but didn`t feel entirely confident about it. The Aurora Blake Foundation was well renowned and she had personally written their proposal for this project, but she had also read the other proposals that were on the table. In her mind it came down to a close race between her own proposal, and that of Polis General Hospital. They had hired the brilliant Dr. Griffin to head the team that had worked out their proposal, and it was a sloid plan. It had a lot of common with her own, and she had decided that if they should receive the grant, she would donate the money the ABF had set aside to them, making sure that the center built was the best it could be.

She had never told anyone of this of course. On the outside she was confident that she would secure the grant and build her vision, securing help for people who were in a terribly vulnerable situation.

This project was especially close to her heart and she intended to be involved every step of the way, even if she actually had more than enough on her plate with running the ABF and Octavia. Her younger half-sister had lived with her for the past four months, and was slowly recovering after being mistreated by her family for years and her boyfriend for months. Her father and brother were blind to their own mistreatment of the girl of course and saw it a terrible betrayal that she had reached out to Lexa.

Lexa`s relationship with the man who provided half of her genetic make was a rather cold one. She could not for the life of her figure out what her mothers saw in him, even if he was just a donor. The man had no charm whatsoever, and his treatment of people in general was disgusting. He was all about making money and keeping his status.

 

Lexa was pulled out of her thoughts when city hall appeared in front of them an Anya started to go over the last details of her speech. The woman was nothing if not meticulous about her work. Lexa was quite sure that she would be utterly lost without her.

 

 

 

“Are you ready?” the question was simple in itself, but Clarke stared at her reflection and felt absolutely numb. She was prepared, she was dressed, her hair and make-up was done, she had her speech ready and the entire team was there to back her up. She had moved across the country for this opportunity, leaving all of her friends and family behind, but she didn`t feel ready.

When she took the job at Polis General Hospital she had been so filled with hope. She had worked with victims of domestic abuse and sexual assaults for years, and the prospect of building a treatment center and leading it was a dream come true. The team she had worked with were mostly doctors like herself, some therapists and volunteers who had either experienced domestic abuse or sexual assault themselves.

The last three months had been so rewarding, and she had been so confident that they would get this grant, but it had all come crashing down when she read the Aurora Blake Foundation`s proposal. Lexa Bois was rumored to be many things. Brilliant was apparently one of the things that was true. The ABF proposal had a lot of similarities to her own, only it was bigger and better of course.

The only thing she felt she should ready herself for now was defeat, and to go back west and beg for her job back.

 

“Come on grumpy pants!” Raven laughed and dragged Clarke out of the bathroom. “You have been sulking ever since you read Bois the bitch`s proposal.” Raven placed her hands on Clarke`s shoulders and looked her deeply into the eyes. “We have worked hard for this, and the proposal is a damn good one, so if we don`t win this it`s probably because daddy dearest has half the country in his pocket.” She sighed heavily and then gave Clarke one of her signature cocky smiles. “The job is done anyway and we are going to have one hell of a party no matter what happens in city hall today”

Clarke had to smile at her newfound friend`s enthusiasm for parties. She had never met anyone who could hold her liquor like Raven Rayes. Not much of a party animal herself, Clarke had been reluctant to join Raven at her big blow out parties, that featured too much alcohol, dancing, always something immensely embarrassing and, of course massive hangovers. Now in her mid-thirties, Clarke found that she had a quite low tolerance for alcohol, and the day after was always torture, but Raven had a way of luring her out.

“Don`t give me that look doc. I know you have fun at my parties, and we all need to blow out some steam tonight.” Raven grinned and Clarke shook her head and smiled, knowing that Raven was right. She usually did have fun, and she really deserved to celebrate tonight, no matter what happened.

“Just wait until you turn thirty. I swear the hangovers are getting worse and worse!” Clarke huffed as she grabbed her coat and got ready to leave.

 

Raven and Clarke was chatting happily on their way to City Hall when they spotted a rather large crowd of journalists with their camera crews surrounding someone on the steps leading to the impressive building. Clarke stopped in her tracks when she spotted the center of attention. She had seen pictures of her before, but they, amazingly enough didn`t do the young woman justice. Lexa Bois was wearing a tailored suite that fitted her slender frame perfectly. It oozed power and confidence while being elegant and not too butch. The white dress shirt contrasted nicely to her tanned skin and her long wavy brown hair hang loosely down her back. Her posture was perfect and she managed to look both professional and relaxed at the same time. She seemed to answer all questions with ease and dignity, and her easy smile seemed to have the entire press of Polis wrapped around her little finger.

 

 

Clarke groaned and Raven smirked at her.                   

“What`s the matter doc?” she asked knowing full and well why Clarke groaned.

“Don`t you just hate it when someone is built up by the press to be this amazing, smart, beautiful, successful creature. And then you meet them, hoping that there is at least one thing that makes her human like the rest of us, but there isn`t! Look at her. She is the picture of perfection.” Clarke huffed, crossing the street in irritation.

“Ah yes. She is beautiful and smart, and all that jazz, but don`t you forget that she is also a stone cold ruthless bitch. Don`t let the pretty face and easy smiles fool you, that woman would kill her own grandmother if it meant getting her way.” Raven said in a light tone, but Clarke felt like there was more to it than Raven was letting on.

Raven had only had bad things to say about Lexa Bois since the day they met, and Clarke found it a bit suspicious. She had heard a million and one rumors about the woman herself, but she doubted that even a fraction of them were true, and even though Clarke sometimes complained about her apparent perfection she didn`t have anything negative to say about her. Clarke admired her and hoped to meet her one day.

Raven`s talk about Lexa Bois seemed to come from a place of contempt and as they reached the other side of the street Clarke made a mental note to ask her friend about it someday.

To Clarke`s relief the crowd of reporters paid no mind to the two women as they passed what could only be described as a circus. A tall reporter in the back of the crowd shouted out a question to Lexa, asking if her sister`s situation was the reason she was so invested in this new project, and Clarke saw Lexa`s easy smile fade away, leaving a stoic mask in its place. The reporter had clearly hit a nerve, but to her credit Lexa Bois kept her cool.

“I have always felt strongly about this subject, I even wrote a paper on it a few years back, so the answer is no. I would also like to say that I will not be answering any questions about my sister today. She is her own woman and speaks for herself. I am sure she will call a press conference if she has anything to share with you.” just as Lexa was finishing her little speech a Blake Enterprises care pulled up and Bellamy Blake stepped out, smiling widely at the crowd. Clarke could see Lexa tensing up and signaling for her people that they were leaving.

 

“What is he doing here?” Clarke whispered to Raven who shrugged in response.

“I have no idea, but this is going to blow up really fast if the press continues their line of questioning now.” Raven and Clarke started up the steps and heard the press fire off questions about the youngest Blake towards Bellamy. Just as they were reaching the door, they heard shouting and someone pushed Clarke hard to get past her. She was so taken by surprise that she lost her balance and started falling backwards.

She felt like everything slowed down as she fell. Being a psychiatrist meant that she was very familiar with the concept of having one`s life flash before one`s eyes when experiencing something life threatening, but she had never experienced it herself. Falling now, in what felt like slow motion, she found that her life was not flashing before her eyes, but thoughts of all the people she loved and everything she wanted to do in life filled her head. She was petrified. She was not ready to die, and perhaps even worse, spend her life in a wheelchair or with brain damage.

She knew there was no way she would be able to turn, but she couldn`t stop her desperately flailing arms. The first thing to hit the stone steps would be her head and neck. As a doctor, she knew what it meant. If she was lucky she would end up with a concussion, if not, then it was over. She closed her eyes and waited for the impact, for the pain to knock her out, and it came sooner than she anticipated. She felt a sharp pain in the back of her head, but something was wrong. She wasn`t lying down, and the pain was moderate. After a moment, she realized that she had a pair of strong arms around her and thought Raven must have stepped in, but Raven was standing right in front of her, gaping.

 

She slowly turned around, finding a pair of green eyes looking at her with concern.

“Are you all right Dr. Griffin?” Lexa Bois soft smooth voice sounded caring and Clarke felt dazed, the adrenalin rushed through her body and her fear of dying had her tongue-tied. The first coherent thought that came after what felt like minutes, was that Lexa Bois knew her name. Then she looked at the beautiful young woman that was still holding her and her stomach dropped.

“Oh shit!” she exclaimed as blood poured out of Lexa`s broken nose.

This seemed to shift the brunette`s focus and she let go of Clarke, holding a hand up to her nose.

“Don`t worry, it`s just a little nose bleed. I have had worse” she smiled and waved it off, but Clarke shook her head.

“Actually, your nose is broken Miss Bois. It is just a hairline fracture, but it needs to be set so that it doesn`t heal in the wrong position.” Clarke was in full doctor mode now, completely forgetting about her own fear from moments earlier. Lexa stared wide eyed at her, holding a paper tissue that some angry looking woman gave to her, up to her bleeding nose.

“I can do it for you now” Clarke continued as she looked around to see all the people and press staring at them “But we should probably go inside to get some more privacy” she finished, took Lexa`s free hand, and walked in to the building.

She went over what she needed in her head as she walked towards the bathrooms and realized she didn`t have any tampons in her first aid kit. Raven always teased her for not going anywhere without her small first aid kit. She had even made a bet that Clarke would never have use for it. Clarke smiled at the thought of collecting her 100 dollars from Raven later.

 

“Do you have any small tampons with you?” she asked Lexa. The young woman frowned and shook her head in response.

“What about you?” she asked the angry looking woman who was trailing behind them. The woman scoffed and looked offended.

“Shouldn`t you keep your focus on the patient doctor? I am sure you can figure out your lady problems later.” She snapped and Clarke had to laugh a little at the aggressiveness of the woman.

“I`ll take that as a no.” she answered calmly as she entered the bathrooms.

 “Would you mind sitting here so that I can have a closer look at you?” Clarke asked Lexa and patted the counter. It was just the right height for Clarke to treat the injury. As Lexa sat down, Clarke noticed that there was a tampon machine on the wall.

She turned to the angry one and gestured towards the machine. “Will you please get med two of the smallest tampons that machine has. I need them to stop Miss Bois’ bleeding” she said and turned towards Lexa without waiting for a response.

 

Lexa was sitting on the counter, bloody tissue in hand, looking at her calmly. She wasn`t staring, but observing her intently in a way that made Clarke feel a little uneasy. She suddenly became very aware that she was in a public restroom with Lexa Bois. A legend, surrounded by rumors, stories of greatness, and stories of intrigue and drama. All at the mere age of 27 years. To top it all, Clarke had broken her nose, she had broken one of the most beautiful noses she had ever seen.

“Here you go doc.” Clarke was brought out of her thoughts by the angry one`s steely voice. “I`ll be right outside. Shout if you need anything Lexa” she said and brushed past Clarke.

 

With the tampons in her hand she went to work. She got out her little kit and cut the tampons into smaller pieces, laying them out on a tissue on the counter. As Clarke was getting ready she could feel Lexa`s gaze on her.

“Can I ask you something?” the brunette broke the silence between them.

“If you are going to ask if I know what I am doing I can assure you that I have my share of shifts in the ER. I have set many a broken nose, and your break is just a bagatelle. It will heal fine and no one will be able to tell. To be sure though, I recommend that you go see an orthopedist later today. The worst part for you will probably be the bruising. You will have two black eyes for a week or two.” Clarke answered as she examined Lexa`s nose more closely.

The brunette kept her gaze on her and smiled.

“Good to know, but I was wondering if Polis General has hired you on a contract for this specific project or if you have tenure there.” She said calmly. Clarke stopped what she was going and looked at the woman before her.

“I am on a contract. Why do you want to know?” she went back to work and readied herself to set Lexa`s nose.

“I read your proposal, and I was very impressed. You and I seem to have quite a lot in common, and if I should win today, I need someone to lead the project for the ABF.” Clarke snapped the break back in place and Lexa winced, but stayed quiet.

“Are you offering me a job Miss Bois?” Clarke asked as she put tampons up Lexa`s nose. The other woman smiled, and even in her current state it was dazzling.

“It`s Lexa, and no. I have no job to offer at the moment, but if we should find ourselves in a situation where I am in need of a leader of this new facility that I want to build, and you are in a need of a job, I think you should give me a call.” She handed Clarke a business card and stood up.

“Thank you for fixing me up Dr. Griffin. I really appreciate it” she said quietly.

“Well, it is the least I could do, considering I am the one who caused the damage, but please remember to see a specialist later today.” She said smiling apologetically. “And it`s Clarke by the way.” She added and held out her hand. Lexa smiled and took it in hers. Her hand was warm, but also surprisingly rough.

 

“Here,” Clarke handed her the cut-up tampons, “You will have to change them every so often.” Lexa took them, and smiled as she went to the door. “Thanks again, Clarke” she said as she pushed the door open, leaving Clarke alone, holding the business card.

 

 

“What happened? Where have you been? What took you so long? The bitch came in a few minutes ago,” Raven practically pounced on Clarke when she sat down next to her. The room was full of people, it was buzzing with excitement, and more than a few people was looking at Lexa and her banged up face.

“I set the break, in the restroom downstairs, and I needed a minute to compose myself before facing your interrogation.” Clarke answered. “And she was very polite and nice to me. No bitchiness whatsoever,” Clarke added observing her friend`s reaction. Raven looked annoyed, but didn`t comment, so Clarke decided to leave it for later. She was sure the fiery Latina was going to have a thing or two to say when she told her about the job offer.

 

 

The whole ordeal with the rewarding of the grant was over quickly. The Governor announced that the grant would go to the ABF and Lexa gave a short, humble and well-articulated speech when she accepted the official documents. She had even made a charmingly funny joke about her rapidly appearing bruises.

 

As they walked out of City Hall Clarke knew that she should be feeling crushed at the result. She had moved from the other side of the country to pursuit her dream, and now she had two weeks left of her contract and nothing to show for the immense risk that she had taken, ore the tremendous work she had put in.  Raven was sulking beside her, but she couldn`t help but feel elated. The business card in her pocket gave her hope. Perhaps it would all work out for the better.

 

As they stood on the side-walk a black car pulled to a stop in front of them and a tall burly man with a long beard stepped out and opened the passenger door.

“It was a pleasure meeting you Clarke. I will be expecting your call” Lexa`s smooth voice sounded in her ear, before the young woman got in the car and smiled at her before the door was shut and the car weaved into traffic.

 

      


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This semester is less crazy, so I`ll hopefully be able to update more often. I also had some trouble editing the chapter when i uploaded it, so if the spacing is funky, let me know and I`ll fix it.  
> Hope you like it

Chapter 2  
“What the hell was that?” Raven fumed, and Clarke`s heart sank. She had been hoping for more time before having to explain what happened to Raven. She had also been hoping that she would have time to investigate Raven`s attitude towards Lexa before bringing up the job offer.

Raven stared at her, she was looking much more upset than Clarke had anticipated. This thing with Lexa must run deep. The only time Clarke had seen Raven look this pissed was when she talked about her ex. The man that had lied to her and manipulated her all through college. It was his mistreatment that had motivated Raven to join the project group as a volunteer. He had never physically hurt her, but it had taken her longer than she cared to admit to most people to put herself together after the truth about him came about.

“Why would Lexa be expecting your call? Is she suing you over a broken nose?” Raven was acting more frantic than Clarke had ever seen, and it was making her uncomfortable. She was beginning to fear that Raven would cause a scene in front of all the people leaving City Hall and the press, so she grabbed her arm and tugged her along towards the car.

“Would you calm down? There is nothing to worry about.” Clarke whispered as she crossed the street and saw Lexa`s car disappear in the direction of the hospital.

“Well something is going on, and I would like to know what it is,” Raven snapped at her and yanked her arm free. She stood in front of Clarke blocking her way, and giving her a look that made it clear that she was not moving until Clarke would tell her. Clarke shook her head in exasperation. Raven was usually the one to keep cool and collected, but right now she looked like a petulant child.

  
“Fine. I will tell you, but can we walk and talk?” Clarke gestured towards the parking garage that they had parked in and Raven shrugged and fell in line with Clarke.  
“Lexa said that if she and the ABF won the grant, she would like me to consider leading the project,” a part of Clarke waited for her friend to squeal in joy and be happy about this amazing opportunity, but she knew she wouldn`t so she braced herself.

  
Nothing happened at first, Raven was deadly silent, but when Clarke glanced at her she could tell that she wasn`t happy. Her nostrils were flaring and her face was a dangerous shade of red.  
Raven kept her mouth shut all the way to the car. The silence was deafening to Clarke and she considered taking the subway back home, but when they got in the car the dam broke.

  
“You can`t seriously consider working for that woman Clarke,” Raven hissed.  
“Why not Raven? You talk a lot of shit about her, but I have no idea why. Give me one good reason why I should drop meeting her.” Clarke shot back.  
“She is the devil Clarke!” Raven yelled and glared at her, but Clarke had had enough.

  
“This is bull shit. Who calls someone the devil? Give me a reason Raven, a good reason and I will consider it, but until then I plan on scheduling a meeting with Lexa, because she is offering me the opportunity of a lifetime here. It is my dream job. I moved from everyone I know on the other side of the county to have a shot at this! Working for the ABF and Lexa Bois was not something I thought was a possibility, but it would still be a dream come true for me to set up this center. So, give me a good reason why I should blow her and all my dreams off, and go back home without accomplishing anything and with no job to go to.” Clarke raged.  
Raven didn`t respond. She just stared ahead, and something snapped in Clarke. She couldn`t stand to be in the same space as Raven right now so she got out of the car and slammed the door before she headed home.

 

Lexa leaned her head back in the back of the car. Her nose was now pounding and she felt like taking a long nap, but she couldn`t keep from smiling.  
“What has you grinning like an idiot?” Anya asked, a look of usual annoyance on her face.

  
Lexa turned towards her friend and colleague and cocked an eyebrow while she kept smiling. Anya huffed and rolled her eyes at her.  
“Honestly Lexa. Aside from the fact that you won the grant, like we all knew you would, this day has been a total disaster. Fucking Bellamy Blake is officially number one on my death list. I can`t believe that he showed up completely unprepared for questions concerning Octavia, and to top it off, he acted like a brat.” Anya`s voice was thick with anger and frustration, but Lexa just shook her head. She hadn`t expected anything better from him. In her mind, Bellamy Blake was a ticking bomb. One day all his pent-up rage, frustrations and bitterness towards the world would make him come undone, and she imagined it would be quite the messy affaire.

  
“What else did you expect Anya? He has the brain the size of a pea and a bank account the size of a small European country.” Lexa leaned back and closed her eyes again, trying to ignore the throbbing in her nose.  
Anya scowled at her. “And you managed to play your own part in today`s dramatic events” Anya continued. “I knew Bellamy wasn`t beneath shoving someone down the steps to save his own skin, but do you have to be the fucking heroine every time?” Lexa turned to Anya in surprise.

  
“Right, so I should have just let her fall?” Lexa didn`t bother hiding her irritation and she could see Aden shifting uncomfortably in the front passenger seat.  
“No!” Anya huffed in defeat, “but look at your face!” she pointed towards Lexa`s nose. “You have a gala to attend next weekend and you look like a panda bear!” Anya was shouting now, and Lexa had to chuckle at how animated her friend got.

  
“Pandas are black with white around the eyes, a raccoon would be a more accurate comparison,” Lexa smiled at Anya while she rolled her eyes, “and I got to spend 10 minutes alone with Dr. Griffin. It worked out perfectly.”  
Anya`s head snapped to look at Lexa. “Are you saying that getting your nose broken was worth it because you got to flirt with the hot doctor for 10 minutes?” she asked, her mouth hanging open in shock.

  
“I didn`t flirt with her Anya, I offered her the lead on the project.” Lexa answered firmly, dismissing all notions of flirting or romance.

  
“Why not? She is perfect for you. Pretty, smart and…” Anya stopped abruptly staring at Lexa. “You did what?”

  
“Well, I didn`t officially offer her the job. To do that I need the approval of the board, but I gave her my card and said we should talk about it. Like you said Anya, she is perfect.” Lexa smiled at her friend`s exasperated look. “Aden, will you hand me the Griffin file?” she asked, turning to the passenger seat in the front. He quickly handed her a folder containing all the information she had on Dr. Clarke Griffin. She handed it over to Anya and felt rather smug about the look on her face.  
Lexa leaned back again as Anya read over the file in her lap. It was an extensive file containing a lot of information about Dr. Griffin`s professional life, and it was very impressive.

  
“How long have you been planning this?” Anya asked, gesturing towards the file. “This thing contains every last detail of what she has done since graduating medical school.” Anya looked equally parts impressed and alarmed at the file in front of her.  
Lexa smiled to herself. This was one of the very rare occasions that she had blindsided Anya with her plans. Anya was her closes colleague, and she normally talk most things through with her. She was her advisor and office manager. She knew everything that went on in Lexa`s professional life, and Lexa knew she didn`t like to be left out.

  
“Not long. I didn`t tell anyone because I didn`t know if we were going to get the grant, and I was going to tell you before I talked to her, but my nose here gave me the perfect opportunity to talk to her alone, so I took it.” Lexa offered apologetically to her scowling friend. Anya nodded in understanding and handed the file back to her.

  
“You are right. She is perfect for the job.” Lexa smiled at Anya`s words. Having Anya`s approval meant a great deal and it mad Lexa feel more confident about her decision. All she had to do now was wait, and hope for Clarke do call her.

 

 

Clarke sighed at her own appearance in the mirror. She was still upset about her fight with Raven earlier and wasn`t quite sure she wanted to attend her party at all. She had been waiting, hoping, all afternoon, to hear from Raven. The usually level headed and logical woman, Clarke`s new best friend was giving her the silent treatment, and it was driving her nuts.

  
Clarke redid her eye make-up for the fifth time that night before she gave up her internal struggle and decided that she would go to the party. The rest of the team would be there, and they were all expecting her to show up.

  
She threw her coat on and left her apartment before she could change her mind. The least she could do for her friends and colleagues was to stay for a while and chat. Then she could leave early, saying she felt deflated and tired after a long day. If she was really lucky she could steer clear of Raven all night.

A loud cheer erupted when she entered the dimly lit apartment. Everyone on the team was there, smiling and applauding Clarke. She felt overwhelmed at all the attention they were giving her, especially considering that they didn`t get the grant. She felt like she had failed them all and a heaviness settled in her chest.

  
“Please stop,” she tried. “We didn`t even win.” She waved her hands in dismissive gestures.  
“Right you are! We lost to Lexa Bois, no big surprise there, but you Clarke Griffin, made sure she didn`t walk away from it unscathed!” A tiny woman named Britt yelled from the back of the room. “And what a sight it was Clarke, to see you flailing about, hitting her face, and then to see her face as she accepted the grant. I have never been more entertained!” the whole room roared and someone shouted for a rerun of the video.

  
Clarke felt floored. She couldn`t believe these people took such pleasure in what happened, and as she looked at the big screen on the wall she felt out of breath. It was currently showing a slow-motion caption of what had happened earlier that day, and for the first time Clarke could see the whole thing.

She saw how Bellamy Blake pushed past her, causing her to fall, and as she was flailing she saw how Lexa rushed up the steps. Even in slow-motion she moved faster than Clarke thought possible. Clarke cringed when she saw her own head collide with Lexa`s nose, and she felt like sinking into the floor when she saw the way in which she clung to her after she had turned and stared at her. She looked like a stupid star-struck teenager.

  
She closed her eyes and turned away from the screen. It was too much, too embarrassing. Lexa had gone out of her way to save Clarke`s life, crushed her dream and offered it back to her. All in one day, and all Clarke had done was embarrass herself and Lexa, fight with her friend and have all her other friends applaud her for breaking one of the world`s most beautiful noses.

  
As she shook her head and opened her eyes she saw Raven staring at her from behind the bar. She offered Clarke a small smile and beckoned her over.

“I still can`t believe you have a bar in your apartment Raven.” Clarke ran her hand over the counter and smiled awkwardly at her friend. The uncertainty about their friendship settled like a clump of ice in her stomach. Raven shrugged and gave her one of her signature smirks.

“I like to party, and this serves just as well as a breakfast bar” she smiled and winked. Clarke let out a chuckle at her ridiculous friend.

“I am sure it would, if you ever served anything other than alcohol in this kitchen.” Raven faked a hurt expression.

“I do eat normal food you know.” she pointed a finger at Clarke, but before she could come up with a response one of the nurses from the project group sat down on the bar stool next to Clarke. She had already had too much to drink if her squinting and swaying was anything to go by.

  
“Did you really meet Lexa Bois today?” she slurred while giving Clarke a dreamy look. Christina was the youngest member of the team, always full of energy and optimism. She also happened to be damn good at her job and full of valuable input to the project. Clarke realized that she would miss working with her.

  
“I did.” Clarke smiled at her drunk colleague and saw how her eyes lit up.

“I met her once too!” she said excitedly. “I met her at a fundraiser for the hospital when I had just started working there. I acted like a bumbling fool, I was so nervous,” the girl shook her head and stared dreamily out into the air. “But she was just perfect. She is beyond beautiful, even more so up close, and so smart.” The girl gave a content sigh and Clarke had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing. Raven smiled and shook her head at the obviously smitten girl.

“I was prepared for that though, what really caught me off guard was her…” she paused, searching for the right word, “intense presence. She made me feel like she really saw me you know.” Christina looked at Clarke and Raven with big eyes, like she was reliving the moment.

“She was so nice to me, and she seemed genuinely interested in me. It was like I didn`t even have to say anything, like she could just see me. Like she looked deep into my soul. For those five minutes, she made me feel like I was the only one in the entire world.” Christina wiped away a tear.

“Did she make you feel like that Clarke? Like you would just totally go gay for her?” Raven burst out laughing at the nurses last question, but Clarke managed to keep her cool. Christina was clutching at her sleeve and looked at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.

  
“Yeah Clarke, did you feel like going gay for Lexa in that restroom today?” Raven cackled. Clarke shot her a look, before she turned to Christina to answer her question.

  
“First, I am bisexual, there was no moment of questioning my sexuality for me today. Secondly, yes, she is rather special,” Clarke thought back to the way Lexa had looked at her earlier that day. “She is, like you said, intensely present in the moment”. Clarke wondered if she should leave out her last thought, but before she could decide Britt piped up behind her.

“I heard that that`s her thing.” Everybody turned towards the tiny woman. She shrugged, nursing her drink, before she explained. “I heard she has a tendency to turn people?” again she was met with silence and raised eyebrows. “You know, like little Christina here. I bet if you had had five minutes more with her you`d be sitting here telling us about the time Lexa Bois fucked you in the bathroom, or in the back of her car, instead of telling about how she sees you.” Britt was waving her arms as she spoke, and spill her drink on herself.

Christina looked shocked for about a second, before she smiled at Britt and clinked their glasses together. “And I totally would have let her. I bet she is really good in bed.”

  
“I heard she has a dick” Britt said with a smile that was a little too venomous for Clarke`s taste. The statement mad Raven cough on her drink and for a moment everybody just stared at Britt.

  
Again, it was Christina who broke the silence. “Makes no difference to me. I`d spread my legs either way.” She grinned goofily in to her glass before Raven snatched it out of her hand.“Water for you, from now on missy,” she said, pointing a finger and handing her a glass of water. Christina pouted and everybody laughed, lightening the mood again. Clarke too the opportunity to voice her third thought from earlier.

  
“That`s quite interesting the you should say that.” Christina looked surprised, but only cocked her head, waiting for Clarke to continue.  
“I find the notion of going gay for someone, or being turned, kind of stupid. No offence Christina” she hurried to ad. “The way I see it you either have a queer tendency of some sort or you don`t. If you do, that might be triggered by someone, sure, but in most cases of straight girls saying that they would go gay for someone it is more about receiving attention from someone they admire that actual sexual attraction.” Christian looked confused, Raven raised her eyebrow, waiting for someone to start an argument and Britt took the opportunity to fill her wine glass.

  
“I don`t understand,” Christina slurred, “if you want to have sex with someone, you want to have sex with them.”

  
Clarke let out a frustrated sigh. She should have known better than to start this conversation at a party, and with the drunkest person in the room no less.

  
“What I am trying to say is that there is a distinct difference in feeling like it would be a kick to have someone famous worship you sexually and feeling genuine attraction for that person” Christina just stared blankly at Clarke.

  
“Oh, for goodness sake” Clarke huffed. “You say that you would let her fuck you, and that you would spread your legs for her. In both statements, you are the object of her desire. You want her to desire you, but don`t say anything about desiring her back.” For the first time in a while Christina looked like she could follow what Clarke was saying.

“Did she ever make you feel like you wanted to spread her legs, or feel an overwhelming desire to please her, or taste her?” Clarke finally asked. Christina just stared wide eyed at her again. Clarke turned to say something to Raven, but the brunette seemed totally lost in her own thoughts. Before she could ask her about it, she turned and shot Clarke one of her devious smiles.

“I am going to take a wild guess and say that Christina here is going about as gay as Chelsea Handler for Lexa. You know, totally in to it until it`s her turn” Raven said and snorted a laugh. Britt laughed loudly too, and filled her glass again. Christina laughed too, and they went back to gossiping about Lexa.

 

Raven snuck away from the others at the bar while they all laughed and joked about Lexa. Clarke followed her through the dimly lit apartment. She caught up with her on the balcony, staring out at the city. She looks uncharacteristically pensive, leaning on the railing, and Clarke gets an uneasy feeling in her stomach again.

  
“You should call her” Raves voice is barely a whisper, and it takes a moment for her words to register with Clarke.

  
“I don`t like Lexa, but that has nothing to do with you or your dreams. You were right before. I have no reason for you to not pursuit this opportunity, even if it means working for her.” She continued before Clarke could speak a word.

  
“So, you really don`t want to tell me about it, do you?” she asked. She was glad Raven had changed her mind, but the fact that Raven didn`t want to talk to her hurt her. Deep down she knew that she would have to let Raven come to her when she was ready, but it still felt like a rejection. Perhaps they weren’t as close as she had thought.

  
Raven turned and looked at Clarke with big teary eyes. “This isn`t easy for me Clarke, but you are my friend, and I want you to be happy, and I want you to stay here, in Polis.”

  
Clarke felt her heart break for her friend. And pulled her into a hug. “Thank you Raven. Your support means the world to me, and if you ever need to talk about anything, I`ll always be here for you.”

 

Lexa was standing at her bedroom window, looking out at the lake. The mirage of the moon in the water was beautiful, and deep within herself she felt the urge to swim. To feel the water against her skin and the silence of the forest envelope her, but as soon as she had felt it, it was replaced by e painful sting in her chest. She focused on her breath, even and deep, and remembered the day. It had been a good day, all in all, she had just carried a sleeping Octavia to bed and should get some sleep herself. She should, but kept putting it off.

  
Just as she surrendered to her common sense, her phone rang. She answered on the second ring and couldn`t keep from smiling when she heard who was at the other end.  
“Good evening Dr. Griffin”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the new chapter. Thank you so much for all of the comments.  
> This chapter turned out a little differently than i thought it would, but I think I am happy with it.  
> The martial arts Lexa is doing is just something i have made up, and have no name for, but I think the philosophy of it will make more sense later.  
> I hope you like it...

The singing birds and the rising sun was providing Lexa with the perfect atmosphere for her morning yoga on the dock. She focused mostly on her breathing through her exercises, calming herself and finding her center.

The day before was still buzzing in her mind and her nose was throbbing, especially during the inversions, but it all slowly faded into a quiet focus after a while. When she felt her energy flow unrestricted through her body and completely present in the moment she finished up and went to the house to wake up Octavia.

It was later than she had anticipated, leaving her no time for the gentle, slow wake-up she had planned for her little sister. Octavia was not a morning person, and even now that she was doing better she still slept a lot. She was the type of person who would rather stay up a little late and slept in the day after, or preferably sleep most of the day.

The first two months that Octavia had stayed with her, she had slept all the time. It was like she had gone into hibernation. The only things she was awake for was meals and therapy. Lexa knew that therapy was often exhausting, but her sister`s sleeping habits had worried her, and after a while she had contacted Octavia`s therapist and worked out a progression plan of sorts.

This had of course led to Lexa`s and Octavia`s first fight. Octavia felt betrayed, that Lexa had gone behind her back to talk to her therapist and treated her like a child. While Lexa only wanted to help, to do what was best for her little sister, so that she could heal. Luckily, they had made up quickly and agreed that Octavia needed more routine in her life, and something to do when she was home alone all day.

Octavia had started to train with Lexa and her trainers to learn how to defend herself, and to keep her mind focused. Lexa had practiced this form of martial arts since she was a child and was quite accomplished at it, but felt like it was a bad idea to train Octavia herself. To master the craft, you needed a lot of discipline, strength, endurance and mental training. This meant that training would often be very demanding, and the trainer would push you to your limits both physically and mentally. Sometimes it also meant that the trainer would push you past your limit, and that was something Lexa felt she couldn`t do to Octavia. She needed her to be a safety net, and she needed her for support.

When Lexa first had introduced Octavia to Indra and Becca she had been worried that they would be too much, too soon, but Octavia had handled it much better then she could have imagined. Lexa had known her sister to be strong willed and quite feisty from the moment they met, and she couldn`t help but be proud when she saw how hard her sister worked when Indra trained her.   

 

Lexa entered Octavia`s room and gently pulled the curtains apart, letting the sunlight stream into the room. Her sister groaned and turned away from the light, hiding her head under the covers. Lexa sat on the bed and stroked her sister`s hair.

“It`s time to get up warrior, your master will be her in 45 minutes, and you need to be fed before that.”

Octavia groaned again, but turned and blinked up at her sister. “Why did I agree to Saturday morning training?” she asked with a pout and Lexa laughed.

“I have an omelet waiting for you in the kitchen, and some fruit. If you don`t get up soon, you`ll still be drowsy when Indra gets her, and you know what happens then” Lexa said with a light tone and went to the kitchen.

She could hear Octavia muttering and cursing to herself in her room as she got dressed, and it warmed her heart. She had never imagined that she would ever feel this kind of love for anyone. Since she had grown up as an only child, she had always had a difficult time imagining what it would feel like to have siblings, to love another person in a completely unromantic, but profound way. She obviously loved her parents, but that was different. The love she felt for Octavia had not been instant either, at the beginning she had felt quite reserved towards the younger brunette. She hadn`t really seen her as a sister at all, but Octavia had. From the moment Octavia had known about Lexa she had seen her as her sister. She had been so eager to get to know her and so unafraid in her approach that it didn`t take long for them to form a bond.

“I honestly don`t know who I hate more right now, you or Indra” Octavia said as she plumped down on her chair at the kitchen table.

 

 

Clarke rolled over in her bed. Her head was pounding and the light that was filtering through her half-closed curtains was too bright. She squinted towards her alarm clock trying to make out what time it was. It was two o`clock. She smiled to herself, settling back down into the soft duvet.

The party had taken a turn for the better after her phone call to Lexa. Raven had finally managed to shake off whatever it was she was dealing with, and as soon as people stopped talking about Lexa for two minutes, they all had a great time. A great time with too much alcohol and dancing. Clarke smiled at the memories of dancing on the bar with Christina last night.

Suddenly Clarke shot up from her bed. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she buried her face in her hands. She had called Lexa in the middle of the night, she hadn`t been drunk, but she was sure Lexa could tell she had been drinking. Now that Clarke thought about it she had sounded very amused through the entire conversation.

“Oh, my god!” Clarke yelled, remembering that she had scheduled a meeting with her at four thirty today.

“What kind of idiot schedules a job interview on a Saturday afternoon?” she asked herself as she shot out of bed, ignoring her splitting headache, and stumbling into the shower.  

 

  

 

Lexa was focused on the practice dummy in front of her, doing her best to hit the new pressure points Becca was showing her when a frustrated scream tore her out of her concentration. Octavia was kneeling hunched over, panting and sobbing in front of a determined looking Indra. This was the part of the training that Lexa could never find it in her heart to put Octavia through. She could endure it herself, and support Octavia when she needed it, but her stern no bullshit persona was something she only put on for work, and only if she had to.

“I`m too tired” Octavia sobbed, “I can`t do this anymore”

 Indra circled the girl slowly. “You are wasting your energy with aggressive emotions and thoughts. Focus on the pattern, the movements and your breathing.” Indra pulled the girl up as she talked and stood behind her.

“The attacker doesn`t care what shape you are in, how tired you are or what you are wearing. You need to be able to protect yourself regardless. The movements must be reflexes, completely automated” Indra said before she pounced on the girl from behind.

For half a second Octavia froze and had a look of absolute panic on her face, but before Lexa could step in to help her, her body started to go through the practiced movements for fending off an attacker for behind.

Indra`s back hit the mat with a thud that seemed to bring Octavia out of her autopilot. She stared wide eyed at a grinning Indra, then she looked at her hands like she was wondering where their power came from, and last, she looked at Lexa. Her eyes were filling with tears as she ran to her older sister, who

enveloped her in a bone crushing hug.

“I can`t believe it!” she panted. “It was like my body was moving on its own”

Lexa smiled at her, cupped her face and brought their foreheads together. “I am so proud of you sis” she whispered feeling like she might cry herself. This was Octavia`s first test of her newfound skills, and she had mastered it brilliantly. Indra and Becca were both grinning when Octavia took to dancing around squealing happily.   

 

 

Clarke`s stomach was churning with excitement and nausea from her hangover as she approached the ABF-building. The only thing she had had the time to eat was an apple, not that she really wanted any food. She had downed several glasses of water and spent the time from she woke up running around looking for suitable clothes, gathering all the papers she might need and trying to get herself presentable. A shower and some light make-up was all she had time for before running out of the apartment. Clarke hated to be late, she was the type who would rather be an hour early than five minutes late. She had been so sure that today would be the day that she would be late for the first time, but standing on the small square in front of the building she found she was in fact 20 minutes early.

She was debating what to do with her extra time when she spotted Lexa crossing the square, and what a sight it was. The young woman was wearing black skinny jeans, a light blue shirt that was as tight as her pants around her slender frame and her sleeves were neatly folded up to her elbows. Her hair was damp and slightly messy from the wind, her sunglasses rested on the top of her head and there was a leather computer bag hanging from her left shoulder. Even with the two bruises under her eyes she was radiantly beautiful, and Clarke found herself unable to tear her eyes from her.

She was speaking excitedly to someone on her phone, smiling and laughing. As she came closer Clarke realized that she was speaking French and was completely mesmerized by Lexa`s lips. There was just something about the way they were forming the French words that was incredible attractive. It was like they were poutier than when she spoke English.

Lexa noticed Clarke standing outside the ABF-building and waved at her, immediately bringing Clarke out of her daze. I am no better than the rest of them, she thought to herself, willing herself out of the fangirl state of mind. She was here to discuss business, not drool over some girl 10 years her junior.

 

Lexa ended her phone call with a rapid stream of words and a smile. Clarke only picked up one of them and was slightly shocked.

“You speak French with your mother?” she blurted out when Lexa came to a halt in front of her.

Lexa raised her eyebrows in surprise and stretched out her hand for Clarke. Clarke shook it automatically feeling incredibly stupid.

“Well hello to you to Clarke. It`s nice to see you again, and yes, of course I speak French with my mother.” Lexa looked thoroughly amused while she motioned for Clarke towards the building.

“So, your mother is French?” Clarke couldn`t stop herself from asking. She had heard countless rumors about Lexa during her time in Polis, but she realized she had never actually done any research to find out if any of it was true. Countless stories were running around in her head. There was the one about Lexa being the daughter of Titus and one of his maids, the one where she was a result of a one night stand, the one where she had grown up in poverty in a cabin in the woods. Titus was pretty much the bad guy in all of them, and her mother the victim. She also remembered hearing that Lexa`s mother had died when she was in her teens.

“Yes Clarke, as am I” Lexa smiled and pushed the button for the elevator.

Clarke tried to keep her cool and not act like an idiot, but failed miserably.

“Really? But you speak English so perfectly. There is no trace of an accent there!” she said as they stepped into the elevator. Lexa chuckled and pushed the button for the 11th floor.

“Well, technically I am both American and French, and since I grew up with parents of both languages, I guess you could say that I am bilingual. That being said, my American passport aside, I will always consider myself to be French. I had my entire upbringing there and consider it my home. Mama still lives in the flat I grew up in in Paris.” Lexa smiled at Clarke, who scrunched her nose in confusion.

“You look confused Clarke” Lexa offered, and Clarke debated whether to ask what she was wondering, or leave it alone. It was none of her business anyway.

“It`s none of my business. I`m sorry for being so insensitive, this was really unprofessional of me”, Clarke said, her eyes finding the fool in shame. She could hardly ask for a worse start of a job interview. First, she had called to arrange the whole thing at 12.30 am, while intoxicated, showed up hung over, and then acting like a fourteen year old fangirl with a crush.

“Don`t worry about it. I am sure you must have heard a few versions of my life story by now. This town is so full of gossip, and my relationship with the Blake family is kind of soap opera worthy.” Lexa smiled in a apologetic way as they exited the elevator.

The offices of The Aurora Blake Foundation were light and airy. There was a lot of open space with tables and couches that seemed to be there just for people to hang out. There were rooms with glass doors and walls, making the whole floor seem kind of transparent. This could have given it a cold look, but the decorations and plants around the space made it seem surprisingly cozy.

Clarke looked around in awe. She could really see herself working here. Lexa cleared her throat, bringing Clarke back to their conversation. If Lexa could talk about this openly like an adult, so could she.

“You are right, I have heard a lot of stories about you. Despite the size of this city, it seems like you are a popular topic of conversation wherever I go.” Clarke paused, “That’s probably because we sort of belong to the same circles,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I think I have heard things ranging from crazy to, to sad, to totally plausible, about your story. One thing they all have in common though is that Titus Blake is your father, but that nobody knew, including his family, until you started your studies at Polis U.” Clarke said as they turned a corner and approached what must be Lexa`s office.

A young man was sitting at a desk outside her office doors. As they approached he looked up and smiled brightly at them.

“Aden!” Lexa greeted and shook the man`s hand. “Thank you for coming in on a Saturday. This is Dr. Clarke Griffin” Lexa said and Clarke shook his hand.

“Will you get us two coffees,” Lexa looked at Clarke to silently ask if that was ok. When she nodded in conformation she smiled and continued, “and, would you please make a miracle smoothie?” Aden nodded and hurried off to what Clarke assumed was the kitchen.

Lexa sat down behind her desk and motioned for Clarke to sit in one of the comfortable chairs on the other side of her large desk. The office was quite large with tasteful, but impersonal décor. There was a couch with a coffee table, the desk and chairs and a flat screen TV on the wall. A door lead to what Clarke assumed was a private bathroom, the other walls were of glass. Clarke could see the office beside Lexa`s, out to the hallway and outside. The sunlight was streaming in through the window behind Lexa, almost blinding Clarke, and she wondered briefly how Lexa could stand this bright transparent environment every day.

 

 

Lexa could see that Clarke was squinting slightly against the bright light and immediately tinted the windows behind her. Clarke followed her finger on the small control panel on her desk with her eyes. They looked at her in wonder when the windows tinted so that the light was more comfortable.

 

“All the glass walls on this floor can be tinted to adjust lighting or privacy.” She said and shrugged. “We usually like to keep the lighting as natural as possible, and the office landscape as open as possible, but sometimes there is need for privacy, or less light,” she said and smiled as Aden entered the room with two coffees and a tall glass with green smoothie. He put the cups down in front of them and raised his eyebrow in a silent question where to put the smoothie. Lexa nodded towards Clarke and the blonde looked at her in surprise.

“Thank you, Aden, I`ll call you when I need you again.” She said and the young man left the room.

“You made him make me a miracle smoothie?” Clarke asked, looking a little dazed. “Do I really look that bad?” she chuckled nervously and straightened out her blouse.

Lexa felt laughter bubbling in her chest, but managed to reduce it to a smile.

“Don`t worry Clarke, you look fine.” She felt stupid commenting on Clarke`s appearance, like it made any difference, but she wanted to put the other woman at ease. “I just want you to feel welcome and comfortable, and that smoothie always helps me after a long night of drinking” she smiled and hoped that Clarke feel less nervous.

“Before we start talking business, I guess I should finish what I started in the elevator,” Lexa continued. Clarke just nodded and sipped her smoothie. She smiled when she tasted it, and Lexa took a deep breath.

“The short version is this: I grew up in Paris with too loving parents, Ana and Jaquelin Bois. Ana, the American was a business owner and Jaquelin is a Professor at Sorbonne. I grew up without knowing anything about the donor they used and never felt any need to know. They were everything I needed in life and I was happy. I started university at 16 and when I was 18 my mom died of ovarian cancer. That same year is when I was offered a scholarship to study law and economy at Polis U, and at the time getting away for a bit seemed like a good idea. When I came here I was soon contacted by Titus Blake`s lawyers to have me sign papers that I would not tell anyone about him being the donor. I had no desire to have anything to do with him or his family, so I was fine with it, though it did strike me as strange. I had never known about him before, so why tell me now, but I guessed that he wanted to protect himself and his family.” Lexa paused to take a sip of her coffee and Clarke drinking her smoothie thoughtfully.

“I had no problem with this arrangement at first, but problems started to arise when Bellamy started to pursuit me. He was a few years older than me, but we had some of the same classes since I was in an advanced program. I had no interest in him, and I told him so repeatedly, I even told him I was gay to get him to back off, but he wouldn`t let up. I guess I must have been worth a lot of points on his score board and his attention turned into harassment. I complained to the university, but Titus always bailed him out of trouble.” Lexa sighed and Clarke looked wide eyed at her.

“I was bound by a contract to keep my mouth shut about the one thing I thought would get him to leave me alone, but there was a clause in the contract, releasing me from it if I feared for my life or was in a life-threatening situation. So, when he came in to one of our classes one day and declared in front of everyone that one day he would have me writhing and screaming under him, and that he didn`t give a dam if I was screaming for more or for him to stop, I snapped. I did the one thing that no one gets away with in this town. I publicly humiliated a Blake. I stood up for myself and told him everything.” Lexa too another sip and glanced at Clarke, who looked shocked.

“You were not kidding about the soap opera,” she said and blushed. Lexa smiled.

“It`s ridiculous, I know, and it hasn`t gotten any better over the years. Bellamy and Titus hated me from that moment, and I went from being someone who was known in the academic circles as somewhat of a talent, to be known to everybody in town. They all had an opinion or a story to tell.” Lexa finished her coffee and Clarke finished her smoothie, looking more comfortable than she did when she arrived.

“Thank you for sharing that with me Lexa. Family can be hard to deal with in any circumstances, but I imagine this must have been especially difficult to deal with at times. If you ever need to talk about it…” Clarke traced off and gave Lexa a sympathetic smile. It made Lexa feel at ease and like she really could trust Clarke if she needed anyone. It was comforting.

“Thank you, Clarke, that means a lot to me,” she smiled warmly before she shifted into business mode.

“Now,” she declared, clearing her throat, “shall we talk about the reason we are here today?”

Clarke smiled and nodded, but suddenly looked nervous again.

 

They talked at length about the project, about what they wanted and how to achieve it. Their chemistry was amazing and Lexa felt convinced that she wanted to work closely with this woman.

Clarke was blown away by Lexa`s approach to the interview. It felt more like a meeting between equals, and all the terms and conditions for the job exceeded Clarke`s expectations. She would be working closely with Lexa, but would oversee the project, she would pick the team and develop the treatment programs. The pay was generous and her working chemistry with Lexa was amazing.

It felt like they had known each other their entire lives, and they were equally passionate about the project. By the time, Lexa was giving her the tour of the offices that was reserved for the project she knew she had to have this job.

Lexa was simply amazing, and so was the ABF. She found herself negotiating the terms of her contract after a mere three hours at the building, grinning like an idiot.

 

“I feel like we are in agreement,” Lexa stated, looking up from the documents in front of them. “You should have your lawyer look these over and I will present them to the board early this week. I feel confident that by the time your contract with Polis General is up we will be ready for you to move in to your new office here.” Lexa grinned at Clarke and she felt like throwing herself around the young woman`s neck, and before she could stop herself she did. The hug caught Lexa by surprise, but she returned it immediately.

“Thank you. This is a dream come true for me.” She whispered before she released Lexa. She felt like a stupid fangirl again, but was too giddy to care.

“Thank you. I could not ask for anyone better to do this job. This is a dream for me too” Lexa responded and for a moment the two just stood there smiling happily at each other.  


	4. Gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth starts to come out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so when I said I would have more time to write, I lied, apparently. I just get so carried away with projects at work. Sorry!  
> I am going to finish this story though, so bare with me.

“Is this really necessary?” Lexa sat in her office chair, her dress covered by a thin cape to protect it from make-up. She glared at Anya, but the other woman ignored her.

“I will not let you attend that gala looking like a raccoon. Not even you are fabulous enough to get away with that face.” Anya answered, barely looking up from her work.

The make-up artist Anya had hired went about her job as if Lexa wasn`t acting like an irritated cat, carefully applying foundation to Lexa`s face to cover the bruises. Lexa was perfectly capable of applying her own make-up, and Anya knew this. Furthermore, Lexa wasn`t attending this gala on behalf of the ABF, so arranging for Lexa`s appearance wasn`t a part of Anya`s job. Lexa suspected that her friend was working an angle with this, and it made her feel uneasy.

 

It had been a long day for Lexa. She had presented and negotiated with the board about the finalization of Clarke`s contract for hours this afternoon. Titus had been an ass, like always, doing his upmost to undermine her, making her look weak and arguing about every little detail in the contract. Lexa had been ready to strangle him by the end of the meeting, but luckily the rest of the board supported her, so she let it go. The meeting had run a lot longer than Lexa had anticipated, so she was already late for the gala, and she hadn`t been able to reach Clarke to tell her the good news.

The two had spoken on the phone several times since their meeting the previous weekend, negotiating the terms of her contract and planning the project. Lexa already liked working with Clarke and was a bit disappointed that she had just gotten her voice mail, but she was sure Clarke would call her back soon.

 

Lexa looked at her reflection, noting that the make-up artist had done a very good job. She had put on more make-up than Lexa would herself, and her eyes were definitely more smoky than usual, but the bruises under her eyes were completely covered, so Lexa was satisfied. She thanked the woman and turned to Anya who was smiling at her. Anya removed the thin cape, revealing Lexa`s bare shoulders and her long black strapless dress. It clung nicely to her upper body and fell beautifully down to the floor. Anya looked Lexa up and down, and nodded in approval.

“This will do.” She muttered and turned away towards the desk again.

“This will do for what?” Lexa asked in irritation. Anya had set her up on numerous ambush dates over the past few months. Lexa would turn up, unsuspecting, to an event or social gathering only to find herself trapped on a date with some woman Anya had picked out for her. She could feel her blood boil at the thought.

 “If you can`t score looking like this there is no saving you.” Anya grinned at Lexa who scowled back.

“I wish you would stop trying to set me up. If I wanted to date, I would date.” Lexa put her phone and wallet into her purse, wanting to get out before Anya could start an argument again.

“It`s been a year Lexa. You need to get back out there. I`m just trying to help you.”

Lexa focused on her breathing, trying her best not to let her anger get the better of her. This was not the first time Anya had brought it up, and it wouldn`t be the last, so Lexa tried her best to let it go and ignore her friend.

“Let it go Anya. I`ll be ready when I`m ready.” She said with a sigh, hoping the other woman would pick up on her exasperation.

“Maybe you should take your own fucking advice and let it go. Better yet, let her go.”

Lexa whirled around and fixed Anya with a glare that would have most people running for the hills, but Anya stood her ground, meeting Lexa`s glare.

The anxiety was burning in Lexa`s chest, constricting her breathing, sending jolts of pain through her torso, but she held her composure and her head high. She would weather this storm as she had the others.

“Do you remember when we met Lexa?” Anya`s question caught Lexa off guard. This was a new approach from her friend, and she didn`t like it one bit.

“Of course, I do.” She kept her answer short, not wanting to fall victim to one of Anya`s traps. That woman had a way of luring things out of her.

“You are without a doubt the smartest, most driven, generous and resourceful person I have ever met. I knew most of this when I found out that we would be working together in Liberia and Sierra Leone.” Anya shot her a small smile.

“What I didn`t know, what completely blew me away when I first met you, was your playfulness. Your positive and hopeful attitude, and that you were such a free spirit.” Anya`s eyes were full of emotions, and Lexa struggled to keep her façade up.

“You were just a great force of positive, life affirming wisdom. You brought this to a place of such pain, and you kept it. You put a smile on everybody’s face, even mine!” Anya let out a small laugh.

“You somehow managed to be carefree while working with horrible trauma. I love you, you are so important to me, and it pains me to see what you have become Lexa.” Anya looked her straight in the eye, and Lexa could feel the tears burning in her eyes.

“I miss my friend.” Anya finished, and the weight of her words made Lexa want to crumble, but she couldn`t. She wouldn`t let the darkness out, let it swallow her.

“I`m right here Anya” she said, hoping to reassure her friend in some way.

“No! You are not here! You haven`t been for the last year, and I get it. You are grieving, but it`s time to open your eyes Lexa. She used you, played you, and left you with nothing. You have buried yourself with work and caring for others, caring nothing for yourself. You are nothing but a shadow of the woman I met in Africa, and it is time for me to fight to get her back. I will not stand back and watch you suffer over that bitch anymore.”

Anya`s words hurt immensely, mostly because some of it was true, but not all of it.

“She did not play me. I knew what I was getting into and I still pursued her. I gave her my heart even though I knew our time would be limited.” Lexa exhaled slowly.

“I really don`t appreciate you setting me up with random people and pushing me towards something I`m not ready for, so please stop.” Lexa added as calmly as she could, and when Anya lowered her gaze in defeat she felt relieved. Just when she thought the argument was over Anya spoke up again.

“You just used to be so sex positive. You loved sex and always said that it was an important part of life. You took your pleasure where you wanted to, without shame, and I just wanted you to feel something good again.”

Lexa stared wide eyed at her friend. She was right, and Lexa missed it, but she couldn`t. The mere thought of being with someone else made her stomach churn and her chest tighten.

“I can`t..” she choked out. “It feels like cheating.”

Anya`s demeanor changed at Lexa`s tormented words, and she rushed forward to hold the brunette.

“Sweetheart. You don`t owe her anything anymore. You are free to do as you please.”

Lexa stood up and smiled at her friend, who in the end only wanted to help her. Perhaps it was time to accept that help. Perhaps it was time to move on.

Her feelings of loyalty and her stubbornness was screaming at her to reject Anya`s outstretched hand. To keep her memories hidden within, and keep all their secrets close. The logical part of her brain on the other hand, was fighting back for a change. She knew that Anya was right, she needed to open up to move on. It was time. 

“All right. Wine at my house tomorrow night?” she conceded.

“In the hot tube on the deck?” Anya raised an eyebrow and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Sometimes I doubt your straightness Anya” Lexa shook her head before she kissed her friend`s cheeks.

“I have always believed that appreciating the view of a naked Lexa Bois transcends sexual orientation” Anya quipped back as Lexa left the office.

“You always were a bit of a creep.” Lexa quipped back as she entered the elevator. She felt lighter that she had in a long time.

 

 

Clarke was smiling as she held her phone up to her ear. She had been waiting all day to hear from Lexa and the voice mail she was currently listening to made her stomach flip. It wasn`t just the sound of Lexa`s smooth voice filling her ear, it was the message. The board had approved her contract, she would be working with Lexa and the ABF to achieve her dream, and help so many, within a week.

 

Clarke wanted to squeal in joyous celebration, but a flushing toilet brought her back to reality. The woman emerging from the stall gave her a curious look and Clarke realized that she was grinning at her phone.  

“Good news” she smilingly offered the woman as an explanation. The woman gave her one of those condescending, cold smiles that only people of considerable means seems to master, making Clarke feel utterly out of place. The ballroom on the other side of the door was filled with people like her, and as she went to join them Clarke took a minute to get her groove back. Tonight, was one of her last obligations to Polis General Hospital. If she had won the grant, this gala would have been used mainly to raise funds for her project, but since she didn`t her only job was to be present.

Despite all the snobs gathered in one room, this was an exceptionally good night and she would take advantage of the free bar to celebrate. She stopped by the bar and picked up two glasses of wine and headed back to her table.

“Hey. Long time no see. Was there a line around the block?” Clarke stuck out her tongue at the handsome man in front of her as she placed his glass of wine in front of him.

“I had an important voicemail I had to listen to,” she couldn`t keep the grin of her face and Finn smiled at her with his soft brown eyes.

“You look like we have cause for celebration.” He said as he leaned in closer. She could see the glint in his eye and suddenly felt very happy with her night.

Finn was on the hospital board, representing his father`s company, and they had flirted at every opportunity since the first time they met, but never actually gone out. Clarke had a feeling that was about to change, at least if she had a say in the matter.

Finn was incredibly charming, but Clarke could see that he was a very caring person. He had beautiful brown eyes that spoke of a caring sensitive soul, and Clarke really liked that combination.

“We do!” she said and raised her glass.

“What are we toasting to?” he asked, but Clarke just smiled and shook her head as she drank.

“I am not at liberty to say just yet” she teased and her gave her a look that gave her butterflies.

 

Clarke was enjoying some heavy flirting with Finn when she spotted Lexa entering the ballroom. Her long strapless dress clung to her upper body and flowed hypnotically around her legs. Her hair flowed over one shoulder and her posture made her look positively regal. The tan soft looking skin on Lexa`s arms, shoulders and chest made Clarke`s heart thud in her chest. She could feel herself staring, even as her brain was telling her to bring her attention back to Finn. She liked Finn, he was a great guy. Funny, charming, handsome and caring, but nobody could make her feel the way Lexa Bois could. Even across the room, completely unaware of Clarke`s presence, she drew Clarke in.

Clarke tried to free herself from Lexa`s spell. She would just have to get over it. Lexa was almost 10 years her junior, and about to become her boss. She gulped down her wine end turned back to Finn, but it was too late. He had followed her gaze and was now looking at Lexa with a frown.

“Ah, La Reine has arrived.” He stated and looked away. He seemed troubled, but soon smiled again, making Clarke forget to ask.

“What does that mean?” she asked instead.

“It`s French and means the queen.” He said looking a bit like the conversation bored him.

“Are you secretly French too?” she cocked an eyebrow while she drank her wine seductively.

He barked a laugh and shook his head. “No, and she is just so French, I don`t see how she could ever keep it a secret from anyone. If France still had royalty Lexa over there would reside in Louvre or Versailles, not Polis.” He shrugged and smiled before he changed the subject.

Clarke was relieved. It was easier to avoid the subject of Lexa, focusing on Finn instead. They shared a few more glasses of wine and Clarke was really enjoying herself, even if she sometimes caught herself searching for Lexa in the crowd of people.

 

 

Lexa had made the obligatory rounds, relieved herself of her check and was just waiting for the time to pass so she could go home without making it a statement when someone stumbled into her side. She caught the girl before she tumbled to the floor and realized as she looked more closely at her that she recognized her. It took a few seconds before she could place her and remember her name, but she was confident that this young woman was a nurse that had worked with Clarke on the proposal that had competed against her own.

“Are you okay Christina?” she asked as the girl steadied herself. She had clearly had too many drinks, but upon hearing her name her head snapped up and her mouth fell open.

Lexa smiled and waited patiently for a response, but the girl looked dumbfounded. 

“Lexa Bois.” The girl finally sputtered.

“Lexa Bois knows my name” she muttered, probably mostly to herself, and Lexa had to laugh.

“Yes. We have met before, and you have been working with Clarke Griffin on the grant proposal.” Lexa said, trying to ease the other woman out of her daze.

Christina grinned and nodded eagerly.

“We have met before. I can`t believe you remembered. We spoke for like five minutes, and you probably meet thousands of people at boring parties like this.” Christina waved her hand around gesturing drunkenly at the gala.

Lexa chuckled, but before she could respond Christina started talking again.

“How did you know I worked with Clarke?” she pointed a finger accusingly at Lexa and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. This girl had had more than one drink too many.

“I like to know who I am up against. The proposal you wrote was really good by the way.” She added in an effort to steer the conversation in to a more professional territory.

“I know!” Christina exclaimed, throwing her hands up. “Clarke is amazing. She is so wonderful. Smart and driven and she really thinks things through and sees things from all angles and she is such a perfectionist and very pretty.” Christina stopped suddenly, looking embarrassed. She blinked a few times and then narrowed her eyes at Lexa again.

“If it hadn`t been for you always being better than everyone else, this gala would have been my fundraiser.” She stopped for a second. “Well, you know. Not mine, but ours. Me and Clarke`s, and the rest of course.” She waved her hands around again. “Instead we are here simply because it was in the contract, getting drunk on free booze, and I think Clarke I flirting with that guy from the board.” Christina took a sip from her drink, looking around the room like she was searching for someone.

Lexa was at a loss for words. She was starting to feel uncomfortable by the now very talkative woman, and found herself wanting to seek out Clarke. On the other hand, if Clarke was here on a date she shouldn`t interrupt her.

“He`s cute, but I think she could do better. He is the kind of guy who knows exactly how charming and handsome he is. Those guys always turn out to be kind of boring in bed because they never had to put an effort in anywhere else in life.” Christina downed the rest of her drink while Lexa gaped at her.

“You know the type, right? People who has had everything handed to them in life.” Christina looked expectantly at Lexa, and Lexa felt very uncomfortable.

“Well, I…. I don`t like to judge” she tried, but Christina interrupted.

“Well, I think she should go for someone who would rock her world AND treat her like the goddess she is.” She said firmly and moved to set her glass down on a table, but she missed and fell forward. Lexa moved to catch her, making her crash into her.

“Wow, is this like your thing? Saving falling women everywhere?” Christina mumbled into Lexa`s chest, drooling a little bit on her in the process.

“Will you take me into the restroom now, like you did with Clarke?” Christina asked with a smirk when Lexa helped her to stand.

Lexa`s mind raced with the implication. People always spread rumors about Lexa, but she didn`t want Clarke to get dragged into it.

“I think you need to drink some water Christina.” She said and guided the other woman to sit in a chair. “I`ll be right back”

Lexa dried off Christina`s drool on her chest as she walked towards the bar. Christina had been so shy the last time she talked to her, the complete opposite of the drunken rambler she was today.

 

 

Clarke was at the bar getting herself and Finn, what she had decided was her last glass of wine for the evening. She was feeling tipsy, and even though she didn`t have any tasks to perform, she felt like it was a bit unprofessional. As she turned to go back to her table she came face to face with Lexa. She looked slightly concerned, but smiled brightly at Clarke when she saw her.

“Clarke! It`s so nice to see you. Did you get my message earlier?”

Clarke`s heart skipped a beat at the sound of her smooth voice and she felt herself beaming at the other woman.

“Yes, I did! I am so excited. I am in fact celebrating a little extra tonight” she said raising the glasses in her hand slightly.

“Drinking with both hands. I am impressed” Lexa joked and Clarke heard herself giggle like a school girl. If she had had any hands available, she would have hidden her face in them.

“Just the one glass for me. The other one is for someone else.” She felt awkward mentioning Finn in front of Lexa. She wondered briefly if it was because Finn had sounded like he didn`t like Lexa or because she didn`t want Lexa to know about Finn. Before she could find her answer she noticed Lexa`s smirk.

“Yes, a little bird might have told me that you are here on a date tonight”

Clarke didn`t know what to say. Was she on a date?

“Well, I don`t think I am on a date,” she paused awkwardly “but he is nice, I like spending time with him.”

Lexa smiled and nodded, and Clarke suddenly realized that her bruises were gone.

“You have healed very quickly by the way. You look very nice tonight.” She hadn`t planned on saying that last part out loud, but her tipsy brain apparently had no filter.

Lexa didn`t seem to notice though, she just smiled and thanked her.

“The bruising is not actually gone yet, but Anya would rather die than have me look like a raccoon in public, so she hired someone to cover it up. Oh, and I think she is trying to get me laid”

Clarke nearly spit her drink out at the last statement.

“Do you really need help getting laid?” she heard herself say after she swallowed her drink. Just as she was about to apologize Lexa laughed.

“According to Anya I do, but your friend Christina over there seems to think that I have a thing for seducing women in public restrooms, so I am a bit confused to be honest.”

Clarke looked over to where Lexa had indicated and saw a clearly drunk Christina sitting alone at a table looking at them. She remembered how she had been the last time she had been drunk and cringed at the thought of what she might have said to Lexa.

“She is drunk isn`t she?” she said looking over at her friend again.

“Yes. And she is a very talkative drunk. In fact, I think she might have a crush on you Clarke.” Clarke gaped at Lexa who looked very amused.

“Wait! A crush on me?” she asked still dazed. “It doesn`t make any sense for her to have a crush on me, when she asked you to fuck her in the restroom.” Lexa`s wide eyes told Clarke that she had just put her entire foot in her mouth. She could feel her face heating up and silently begged for the ground to swallow her.

“Eh, I thought that is what you were getting at with the comment earlier,” she tried to explain. Lexa just blinked for a while.

“You can`t honestly be that shocked. I mean, you have quite the reputation, and you can`t be surprised that people are curious about it.” Clarke was unable to stop her rambling and felt like a fool, but then Lexa smiled at her and she calmed down. Lexa`s green eyes were filled with warmth and it made Clarke feel like she was the only person in the world.

“Well, I suppose I do have a reputation, even if I haven`t really done the whole “hookup in the restroom” thing since college.” Lexa smiled mischievously, and Clarke felt her heart flutter. “But you can tell your friend that I do not have a thing for seducing people.”

“No?” Clarke arched her eyebrow, feeling more confident now.

“No.” Lexa stated, and then she leaned in a little closer, her breath tickling Clarke`s ear. “A seduction would imply an unwilling party…” her husky voice sent shivers down Clarke`s spine and she felt out of breath.

“Yeah, I bet that doesn`t happen a lot” she whispered.

The air between them felt electric and Clarke couldn`t believe that she was actually flirting with Lexa.

 

“There you are, I was worried you had taken off.” Finn`s voice effectively burst her little bubble and she felt the panic rise. She had forgotten all about Finn, she had flirted with her soon to be boss, or had she flirted with Clarke? Finn`s arm came around her waist in a possessive manner and Clarke looked up at Lexa, only to find that she had completely transformed in the span of three seconds. The warmth in her eyes were gone, replaced by a cold steely gaze. Her soft and flirty demeanor had turned into a rigid posture with square shoulders and a raised chin. She looked regal, intimidating and ice cold. Clarke suddenly realized why some people called her the ice queen.

The tension between Lexa and Finn was thick and it made Clarke really uncomfortable. She thought of ways to break the ice, but before she could speak, Lexa made a curt nod. “Collins” was all she said.

“Bois” was all he replied.

Lexa turned towards Clarke again and her eyes softened a little bit.

“It was nice to run into you again Clarke. I hope to see you soon.” She kissed both Clarke`s cheek. Right, left, right, and then she turned on her heel and left, her dress flowing dramatically around her.

Finn had a sour look on his face as he watched Lexa leave.

“What was that about?” Clarke asked as she gently removed herself from his arm.

“Was she making a move on you?” he shot back, his usually caring eyes looking hard and angry.

“Not that it is any of your business Finn, but no, we were just talking. Now tell me what is going on, you are acting like a possessive idiot.” Clarke couldn`t believe how Finn was acting. Maybe flirting with him had been a bad idea.

His shoulders sagged and he looked apologetically at her.

“I`m so sorry Clarke. Lexa and I have a bit of history from college. She just brings out the worst in me, I am so sorry you had to experience that.” He looked down in shame, and Clarke felt bad for being so hard on him.

“What happened?” she asked gently, stroking his arm.

“It`s a long story, but I guess it all boils down to a dispute over a girl we both loved.” He said, the hurt and defeat radiating from him. Clarke didn`t know what to say, so she brought him in for a hug. His war body felt nice against her own.

 

 

 

Lexa`s blood was boiling as she returned to Christina with her water. How could Clarke be interested in Finn? What about Raven? Her mind was racing, trying to figure out wat was going on. Perhaps she didn`t know?

She could see Finn using his puppy-dog eyes at Clarke before she pulled him into an embrace. Lexa wanted to punch him.

“You okay there?” Christina asked as she sipped water and followed Lexa`s gaze.

“Oh, I take it you don`t like fuckboy Finn either?” she chuckled.

Lexa looked at the other woman, shaking her head thoughtfully.

“I hope Clarke knows what she is doing.” Lexa mumbled and stood up to get some food from one of the trays the waiters were carrying around.

“Here, eat this, it will help to soak up some of that alcohol.” She said as she handed the food to Christina.

She took it with a smile.

“You are a really caring person aren`t you?” she said thoughtfully as she gazed at Lexa.

Lexa shrugged and smiled as she kept an eye on Clarke.

“Are you really single?” Christina suddenly blurted

“It`s kinda hard to believe, but if you are, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

Lexa was unable to hide her surprise. Christina didn`t even beep on her gaydar. Perhaps Clarke had been on to something after all.

“You know, I was sure you had a crush on Clarke.” Lexa responded, and Christina stopped chewing for a minute before she burst out laughing. Her laugh was high and melodic, it made Lexa smile. Perhaps she did need to get back out there? Christina was smart and pretty, it could be nice to spend time with her, but the knot forming in her stomach told her no. Even entertaining the idea felt wrong.

“You seem like a wonderful woman Christina, but I am not looking to date right now,” she said softly and leaned over and put her hand on hers. She felt bad for rejecting her, but she just couldn`t do it. Christina smiled, signaling that she understood, and then she leaned forward, her smile turning impish.

“How about a quickie in the restroom?” she asked and Lexa had to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. She smiled and shook her head no.

“I think I should head home. It was nice to see you again” she said and stood up.

“You too. If you change your mind, come and find me,” Christina answered and winked.  

 

 

Clarke was staring into the mirror, trying to decide what to do. She touched her lips gently, remembering how it felt to kiss Finn. It felt good, his lips were soft and he was a good kisser. He was getting their coats, and no doubt expecting more than just to walk her home. A part of her wanted to let loose and go with it. What was the worst that could happen?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door behind her and Lexa entered the restroom. She looked conflicted, deep in thought and Clarke just watched her in the mirror for a little bit. Her green eyes were swimming with emotion, and her breathing was uneven. Clarke could clearly see the signs of a starting panic attack, so she turned around and made her presence known.

Lexa looked a bit startled at first, but then she morphed into the relaxed and warm Lexa Clarke knew. All signs of the earlier conflict and starting panic had evaporated right before her eyes. It was baffling and fascinating.

“So, what has you hiding in the restroom?” Lexa asked, a smile on her lips.

“Honestly, I am trying to decide whether I should be wild and free, or grown up and boring.” She sighed.

 

A soon as Lexa heard the words she knew what they meant. Clarke was talking about Finn, and it turned Lexa`s stomach into knots. She wanted to tell her to run for her life, but it wasn`t her place. She should stay out of it, but she couldn`t.

She let out a long sigh, and looked directly at Clarke.

“I know this is not my place, and I am sorry, but are you sure you know what you are doing with Finn?” She asked. Clarke tensed up, looking Lexa over in a way that made her feel very uncomfortable. Clarke was using all her abilities to read people now.

“Listen, I know you two have some history, but I would rather not be dragged into it.” She said. Her voice sounded colder and more distant than Lexa had ever heard it, and she knew she should just drop it. She could potentially loose Clarke as an employee if she pushed this, but how could she just stand by.

“And what exactly did he tell you about our _history_?” Lexa replied, bracing herself for whatever he might have said.

“He said there was a dispute over a girl you both loved. He didn`t go into details, and I really don`t feel like I want them.”

Lexa had to bark a laugh.

“Finn was always good at wording things,” she said. “He was engaged to my best friend. I loved her, yes, still do, but I wasn`t in love with her.” Clarke folded her arms over her chest as she listened, clearly getting more defensive.

“Why does that matter? Are you going to tell me he did something terrible, and is a terrible person, and I should run for my life?” Clarke was clearly angry now, and Lexa couldn`t blame her.

“I am not going to tell you what happened, that is not my story to tell, but it matters because his ex is your friend, and she is not the most forgiving person I know.”     

 

Clarke felt like she had been hit with a bucket of ice water. She couldn`t believe it, that she had never actually heard his name before. The stories she had heard ran through her head and she felt nauseous at the thought of the kiss she had just shared with him. When had she turned into that girl who fell for the charming manipulator? She knew better, knew how to read people. She could see the pity in Lexa`s eyes, and it made the humiliation that much worse.

“Raven” she choked out, and Lexa nodded, stroking her arm in a soothing manner.

“She is never going to forgive me for this, is she?” Clarke asked herself more than Lexa, but Lexa pulled her into a hug. “You didn`t know Clarke, it`s not your fault.” Even now, in her complete humiliation and embarrassment, Clarke couldn`t keep from noticing how good Lexa`s arms felt around her. Her body was so warm, her skin so soft and she smelled otherworldly. Clarke just wanted to melt into her, stay there forever, but she pulled away. Lexa was going to be her boss come next week, she needed to keep these feelings in check.

“I should go. I need to tell Finn to fuck off and then I should go and face the music with Raven,” Clarke dried a tear from her cheek, and Lexa squeezed her arm gently.

“I am so sorry Clarke. I hope it works out, and if you need anyone to talk to, you have my number.” Clarke nodded and left the restroom. She looked pale, but determined.           

 


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally planned this to be a bit longer, but decided to split it up. more Lexa in the next one, so this is mostly Raven`s side of things.  
> I find your comments highly inspirational, so thank you so much!!

The window felt cool as Clarke rested her for head against it in her taxi. Images of the night was running through her head, it felt surreal to be caught up in this much drama. How had she ended up here? She had a crush on her, way too young, boss to be. She had kissed her best friend`s manipulative ex, and to top it all off, the three of them had some sort of mysterious history between them. Part wanted to tell the driver to take her to the airport. Clarke was sure she would be welcomed back to her old job if she just showed up. The other part of her, however, wanted answers. She wanted answers she could live with. She wanted to put it behind her and start working for Lexa.

Her heart beat furiously in her chest as she stepped out of the cab outside Raven`s building. She should probably wait till morning, she should probably make sure Raven is home, and willing to talk. She should take Raven`s feelings into account, but she can`t. As much as she is freaked out about what happened, she can`t help but feel that she wouldn`t be in this position if Raven had been a bit more open.

_“Hey, Lexa used to be my best friend”, or “my terrible ex`s name is Finn Collins and he is on the board where you work”_

Clarke was riling herself up, she knew it, but didn`t do anything to stop it as she pounded on Raven`s door. She kept at it until a startled looking Raven opened the door.

“What the fuck? I have a door bell, you know.” she stated, but let Clarke in.

“We need to talk Raven. It`s time you tell me what happened with Finn, and how the hell Lexa fits in to this mess. I found myself in the middle of, and worse, the cause of quite a dramatic scene tonight, and I would like it to be the last time that happens.” Clarke sat down on Raven`s couch while Raven just blinked at her a few times.

The room was dead quiet for a while, and Clarke felt sure that Raven would reject her again, shutting herself in. Instead the Latina turned towards her bedroom.

“Wick, you might as well get dressed and go home, this is going to take a while.” A man groaned in response, and after a minute or two a blond guy emerged, looking kind of miffed.

“So, I`ll see you soon?” he asked, sounding hopeful, but Raven waved him off with a noncommittal answer before she turned to Clarke.

“Do you need a drink, because I sure do.” She looked nervous, and Clarke felt bad for her.

“No, thanks, I think I have met my limit tonight”

Raven poured herself a drink and sat down opposite of Clarke.

“Why don`t you tell me what happened tonight, and then I`ll tell you what happened in college. I`ll even talk about Lexa.” Raven said while staring into her drink.

 

Clark told Raven everything that had happened, she didn`t leave out her own feelings or the fact that she had kissed Finn. She told her how humiliating it had been to discover who he was, and how it got worse when he showed his true nature later. How he had tried to sweet talk her into believing that he was the real victim and how she should give him a chance. Clarke told Raven in detail about how he had yelled and screamed at Lexa, causing people to notice and gather round, and how Lexa had handled him calmly and respectfully up until the moment he had grabbed her arm. She had then given him one warning to let her go before her hand had snapped forward like a striking cobra, hitting him in the shoulder and leaving his arm limp and useless.

“I feel so stupid Raven. I can`t believe I didn`t see through the bull shit. That`s my job for Christ sake, to read people.” Clarke whined.

“I can believe it, because I have been there, and you weren`t working. Don`t beat yourself up about this Clarke. He really isn`t worth it. We should just be glad that Lexa never seems to tire of poking her noes in where it doesn`t belong.” Raven delivered the last sentence with a look of fondness on her face that made Clarke all the more curious.

Clarke was relieved that Raven didn`t seem to have a problem with her flirting with Finn. She was surprisingly understanding about it, but Clarke still needed to know the whole story.

Raven`s shoulders sagged end she stared at the wall behind Clarke. “So, I guess I should tell you my full story. It goes back all the way to my childhood…”

_I grew up with pretty shitty parents. My dad died when I was just a toddler, and my mom usually drank away her salary within a week of getting her pay check. She was a maid in the Collins household we lived in a little cottage on the grounds of their estate. My mother wasn`t cruel to me, she just didn`t seem to know I was there, and the only reason I made it out without starving to death or worse was the Collins` youngest son Finn. He took care of me, helped me, fed me and loved me. He was my entire world._

_When I was accepted into Polis U. early in a program for gifted students I was over the moon. He was already a student there and we could finally start our lives together. He purposed in my second semester, but he was in a fraternity, so we didn`t live together._

_Since I was in the gifted program I had to attend various events at the university so that they could show me off to their benefactors, and that is where I met Lexa. She was the superstar of academia and we saw each other quite often at various events, and I soon found myself as enthralled as the rest of them. I had never met anyone like her before. She could make anyone feel like the center of the universe, or put some big wig in his place without bashing an eyelid. She was, she is quite a lady, but getting to know the Lexa behind the façade is what blew me away. Not that she pretends, or isn`t real, it`s just that she has this freedom to her that only comes out when she trusts you. That Lexa is the most amazing person I ever met, and she became my friend. I had never had a best friend before, I had only had Finn._

_After a few months, we practically lived together, and we shared everything. I don`t know how to describe our friendship and do it justice. She felt like the most important person in my life, even more so than Finn, who started to drift away. I even went with her to Paris and Cap-Ferrat over the summer. She made me feel something nobody ever had, not even Finn. He always made me feel safe and cared for, and loved, but Lexa made me feel like the center of the universe. Even as she slept around, did the college thing and had lots of other friends, she always made me feel like I was the most important one._

_Anyway, one night she came home from a party, I was hanging out at her place studying for a mid-term, looking so distraught. She brushed it off, but after my midterm she asked me if I had spoken to Finn lately. I had of course, we still saw each other quite often, and I still loved him and wanted to marry him. She asked me if he had told me about that night at the party, and I thought for sure that something had happened between them, so I flipped out. After I had thrown a tantrum, she told me that she had caught him with another girl, and it didn`t seem like it was a one-time thing. She had wanted to stay out of it, but she didn`t want him to get away with treating me badly._

_I confronted Finn that same night, I was heartbroken, but he was so apologetic, and heartbroken too. He confessed his cheating, but promised me it was a one-time mistake. Then he went on to tell me how he felt like we were drifting apart because of Lexa, and how jealous he was because he felt like Lexa was stealing me away from him. He made me feel like such a bad girlfriend, and mostly because he wasn`t entirely wrong. I had been preoccupied with Lexa, and more than that, I had very strong feelings for her._

_So, I forgave him, let it slide, and promised to pay more attention to him. He had me wrapped around his little finger, but Lexa was not convinced and wouldn`t leave it alone. It became a source of conflict in our friendship and Finn and Lexa couldn`t be in the same room without being at each other’s throats. So, for a long time I separated my time between them, and avoided the topic of the other all the time. It all seemed to work until one day when I opened the school paper to find a huge story about Finn`s fraternity._

_It turned out that they had this sick competition going about sleeping with the most women. Certain women were worth more points than others, and Finn, the leader on the score board, had lots of double points because he had either slept with both a random woman and me on the same night, or gotten away with a very obvious lie about his cheating. There were extensive rules, like all hookups had to be documented with pictures or videos, how they determined points ect. The story was well documented, and left little room for doubt about what Finn, Bellamy and the rest of their privileged ass-hole friends had been doing. I have never felt so humiliated in my entire life as I did that day, most of all for trusting him._

_I sought refuge at Lexa`s place, and to her credit, she didn`t tell me how fucking right she had been. She held me and comforted me, and told me good riddance. I had only been there for a few hours when Finn showed up, slightly drunk, rambling and yelling that this was all a lie. That Lexa had contacts at the paper and had them fabricate the story so that she could have me all to herself. She just sat there taking it, didn`t say a word, and I almost started to believe that it might be true when she finally blew up at him. She gave him a long speech about how badly he had treated me, and not to shift the blame. She hadn`t done anything to hurt me, and would never do so._

_He laughed in her face and asked if she really believed that to be true. He told her that she might very well have hurt me more than he had, but that she hadn`t been paying attention to how hurt I was every time she slept around, or how I desperately craved her love and attention. I was shocked by his words. He had never suggested anything other than Lexa being in love with me before, not the other way around. He then turned to me and asked how I expected him to be a good boyfriend, when I clearly didn`t love him anymore. Before he could shift the blame around anymore Lexa threw him out, and called him and his theories pathetic. She was outraged by the idea that she was some lonely pathetic lesbian who couldn`t have a friend without falling in love with her._

_That night I started sleeping in Lexa`s bed. She made me feel safe and cared for, and it seemed like a good idea at the time, but the more time I spent in her arms at night, the more I realized that Finn had a point. At first I thought she just made me feel good, because I needed to feel love and care, but I relished the feel of her soft skin and strong arms. Even the smell of her made me feel intoxicated, and the urge to run my hands over her body, even kiss her, soon became something that kept me up at night._

_These feelings were nothing new, I had felt them for a long time, but now they surfaced and I became very aware of them. Every time she smiled at me, or touched me, my heart would race and I felt like my chest would burst open. I was flying high, and feeling terrible guilty. I felt like Finn had perhaps been right, that this whole thing was my fault. That I had pushed him away because I wanted to be with Lexa._

_After a few weeks, Lexa started going out again, and bringing girls home. I kept staying in her bed, and she used the guestroom for her hook-ups. I hated it, I hated them and I started to feel resentful against her. It made me so mad to see her with someone else, and it was always casual._

_One morning, after she had come home late, we woke up together and I couldn`t bear to see how incredibly beautiful she looked when she had just woken up. I had to talk to her about it. So, I cowardly asked if she had ever been in love. She looked a little amused when she said that she had, several times. I asked her why I had never seen her be anything but casual with anyone and she just shrugged. Deep down I was hoping that she was keeping it casual because she wanted me. She told me she was happy, and if she fell in love she fell in love, if not, she would enjoy their company and focus on her studies. I tried to bring up what Finn had said about us having feelings for each other, and she laughed. She found the notion ludicrous, and I felt completely humiliated. It was just too much for me to handle, so I blew up. I called her a heartless bitch, incapable of loving anyone. God, I called her the most awful things, taking out all my anger on her, and then I stormed out._

_That day I drank my own body weight in tequila, her laughter echoing in my head the entire day. Sometime during the day, I ran into Bellamy and figured that it would hurt both Lexa and Finn if I fucked him, so I did. It was awful and made me feel worse, so I left him to continue drinking. The last thing I remember from that night was calling Lexa for help because I was too drunk to open my eyes, but she wasn`t there when I woke up in a hospital bed. I freaked out, because I didn`t have health insurance and couldn`t afford to be in the hospital. The only person in the room with me was Finn. He was pissed after my stunt with Bellamy, but he had stayed the whole night after they had called him from the hospital when they had brought me in. I didn`t really want to see him, but I let him take care of me that day, and when we left he had already settled the bill._

_I kept trying to reach Lexa, but she remained unreachable and avoided me at all costs. The locks at her apartment had changed and if we were attending the same function she would always slip away before I could talk to her. We haven`t had a conversation since I stormed off. She didn`t even care to find out if I was ok._

_I thought I would die of grief, for losing them both. It took me years to understand what happened and to get over what Finn did to me. I still have a hard time trusting people, and ever since Lexa came back from her project in Africa, I have been filled with so much resentment. She was my friend, she should have made sure I was okay. Even if we were fighting, she should have been there for me, she always was before._

Raven dried a few tears of her face. Clarke felt dizzy with all this new information.

“I hope it makes sense to you now Clarke. She let me down when I needed her the most,” Clarke could see that Raven was chewing on the inside of her cheek and she kept staring at the floor. Clarke moved to sit beside her friend and enveloped her in a hug, letting her cry.

This somewhat explained Raven`s feelings towards Lexa, but something didn`t sit right with Clarke. Lexa`s behavior didn`t add up with what Clarke had seen of her, it didn`t add up to the look in Lexa`s eye when she had spoken about Raven. Could she really be as cold and distant as Raven believed.

“Are you still in love with her?” Clarke found herself asking. Raven chuckled and shook her head.

“No, she is all yours Clarke, but be careful. I don`t want you to get hurt.”

Clarke could feel her heart thumping in her chest.

“What makes you think I want her” she tried, but now Raven outright laughed at her and sat up.

“I have seen the way you look at her, Clarke. You can`t deny those heart eyes.”

Clarke could feel herself blushing. She wondered if her crush was as obvious to everyone.

“She is about to become my boss, and is way too young, so I`ll just try to let the crush run its course. It will blow over soon enough.” She hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt.

“Have you ever considered contacting her now, talking to her might clear some things up.” Clarke suggested.

Raven sighed rested her head on Clarke`s shoulder.

“I have, and I might, but I`m not ready yet, so don`t go and try to fix this for me when you start working for her. For now, I just want to keep my distance.”

“Fair enough”

 

 

Lexa sat heavily down on the couch, kicked off her shoes and rested her head on the back of the couch.

“That is not very lady like?” Octavia`s voice startled her and the petite brunette laughed as she sat down in her favorite chair.

“Neither is that” Lexa replayed and gestured lazily towards Octavia`s old sleep shorts and scruffy t-shirt.

Octavia chuckled before a comfortable silence enveloped them. Lexa closed her eyes and thought about her disastrous night. Finn`s iron grip would probably leave a bruise, and god knows how Raven will respond to this. Lexa had been itching to tell Clarke everything, to tell her side of things, and the thought of leaving it up to Raven to tell the tale left her uneasy at best. Lexa rarely second guessed herself, she usually felt comfortable with her choices, but the ending to her friendship with Raven had tormented her.

“Lexa?” Octavia`s soft voice brought Lexa back to the present.

“mm” she hummed in response.

“I think I want to go back to school after the trial I over.” Octavia spoke so softly, so unlike herself.

Lexa sat up and beamed at her little sister.

“I think that sounds terrific. If you feel ready, I think it will be really good for you.”

Octavia beamed back and moved over to the couch where she nestled in Lexa`s lap.

“I am so proud of you, kiddo,” Lexa whispered and kissed the top of the smaller woman`s head. Octavia held on tighter and Lexa could feel all the gratitude her younger sister had trouble expressing with words.          


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa drinks and lounges in her hot tub. Clarke is a bad ass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at regular updates! Sorry.  
> I had to do my taxes and rewrite an entire script for a show at work.
> 
> This one was difficult to write too, but be patient, I will finish this story. I promise!
> 
> I love hearing from you:-)

 

Lexa let the hot water soothe her aching muscles, took a deep breath and readied herself for what she knew was coming.

“You look beat darling, was Becca too rough with you today” Lexa had to smile at the obvious innuendo in Anya`s voice. She took a sip of her wine and grinned at her friend.

“Not half as rough as Indra was with Octavia. She`s going to have trouble walking for days.” Lexa smirked, feeling pleased that she managed to deflect the attention off herself.

As if on cue Octavia limped out on to the deck, groaning in pain, and Anya`s roared in laughter.

“What?” Octavia snapped at the older woman. Lexa giggled and drank more wine. She had missed this, hanging out with her friend, drinking wine. It reminded her of more care free days. For a moment, she let her gaze wander to the lake in front of her and she felt the familiar sting in her chest, but Octavia and Anya soon brought her back to the present.

“What did Indra do to you girl, you can barely stand.” Anya jeered, and Octavia flipped her off.

“I heard you were quite good at this shit at one time, but I guess you are too old for it now.” She fired back.

“I could take you down with both hands tied behind my back little girl.” Anya pointed a threatening finger at the younger brunette and Lexa laughed at their competitive banter.

“I`d like to see that happen. How about you join us next week. I`ll try not to brake your brittle bones” Octavia looked smug, and Anya narrowed her eyes. She looked menacing.

“You are on! Now get in her and ease your suffering.” Anya smiled. “Lexa is going to tell us all about last night`s dramatic events.”

Octavia grimaced and shook her head. “I`ll leave you two to your weird hanging out naked with your friend night.”

Anya laughed and Lexa had to smile at Octavia`s response. Lexa and Anya had no problem with modesty, they were quite comfortable in each other’s company regardless of how much clothes they were wearing. Octavia on the other hand seemed fine with hanging out in her underwear, but nudity was a no go. Something told Lexa that she had been taught that nudity and sex was the same thing, and that made her uncomfortable, especially around Lexa.

“You are welcome to join us at any time should you change your mind” Lexa said with that soft tone that was reserved for Octavia only.

Her sister smiled at her and limped back in to the house.

“So, are you going to tell me all about your little reunion with fuck boy Collins?” Anya smirked when they were alone again.

Lexa didn`t know how Anya always found out about things, but she shouldn`t be surprised about this one. The whole scene had been very public, so she assumed the rumor mill had been working overtime last night.

“He screamed and yelled like a wild animal, and then he grabbed me, so I had to put him in his place.” Lexa said as casually as she could while she showed Anya the bruises on her arm.

“I`ll say you put him in his place,” Anya cackled,” I heard that you paralyzed his arm.”

Lexa shrugged and smirked at the memory. It had been very satisfying to jab him, hit that point and make his arm go limp. He had looked equal parts terrified and baffled.

“Only temporarily, but I must admit, it did feel good.” Lexa sipped her wine and Anya grinned at her.

“So, what was his problem anyways? Was that the first time you guys had run into each other after the whole college thing?” Anya arched her eyebrow, waiting for Lexa to explain the situation.

“No, we have run into one another many times since I came back, but we have always managed to keep it extremely brief and avoid each other. Last night however, he was wooing Clarke.” Lexa was going to keep explaining, but Anya cut her off, whistling.

“So, you got into a jealous spat with him? Maybe there is hope yet!” Anya was so excited that she nearly dropped her glass of wine. She was waving her hands about, causing the water to splash and Lexa to be annoyed.

“No! Clarke is Raven`s friend” she started to explain. It had made perfect sense last night. She was trying to protect both her former best friend and her new employee, but then she thought back to her conversation with Clarke before Finn had turned up. Had she been flirting with Clarke? She felt the old familiar feeling of dread fill her. The knot in her stomach that made her know that she might have acted disloyally. She shrugged it off. No, she had just been friendly with Clarke. She was just somebody that was easy to talk to, and that was it. Her disgust with Finn`s presence had been about her disgust for Finn himself, and the possibility that it would cost Clarke her friendship with Raven.

 

Anya rolled her eyes at Lexa. “So, fucking what Lexa. You don`t owe that girl anything.” She hissed.

Lexa knew Anya`s feelings about Raven well. Lexa had talked Anya`s ear off about the situation that had cost her one of her best friends, when they had become friends in Africa. She had talked about her guilt and her doubt, and Anya had come to loathe Raven.

 

“You gave that girl the world Lexa, and she pissed on all of it just because you wouldn`t fuck her” Anya continued, scowling at Lexa.

“It was less about fucking and more about love Anya, you know that. She was hurt and confused…” Anya held up her hand to stop Lexa from talking.

“You did love her. You stood by her and always put her needs before your own.” Anya raved.

“I left her in that hospital. She had no one, and I left her.” Lexa choked out, remembering all to clearly how she had felt as she walked away from her friend. How she had trouble breathing, how she had thrown up in the alley on her way home and the numbness that had filled her for weeks.

“You only did what she wanted. She asked you to fuck her or fuck off, and I think you made the right call. Please tell me that you didn`t put yourself in the middle of Finn drama land just to protect her again. She doesn`t deserve it.” Anya`s tone was soft again and Lexa wiped away a tear.

“Maybe I just didn`t want Clarke to suffer her wrath like I had to.” Lexa mumbled, surprising herself. She realized that she had done it for Clarke. The thought put her at ease and made her nervous at the same time.

Anya grinned at her. She seemed pleased with the conclusion.

“I think Clarke would be perfect for you..” this time it was Lexa who held up her hand to stop her friend.

“I am not ready to date.” She stated simply, looking out to her floating gazebo.

Anya followed her gaze and rolled her eyes.

“I know you are grieving, but I need to know, are you getting help? Are you talking to anyone?” She asked, voice full of concern.

Lexa squirmed and looked away. She didn`t want to talk, she wanted to keep the memories to herself. They were her own secret, and sharing them was too scary, too humiliating.

“I`ll take that look as a no,” Anya continued, “I know you don`t want to talk to me because I am an angry judgmental bitch, but have you considered talking to Octavia?” Lexa`s attention snapped to Anya at that.

“She has enough on her plate.” Lexa wouldn`t dream of adding to Octavia`s burden.

“That girl worships you. She loves you, and I think that it would kill her to know that you are suffering alone.” Anya looked almost pleading, but Lexa shook her head. She would confide in Octavia someday, but now was not the time. She was just getting back on her feet, and the trial was coming up.

“What about Clarke?” Anya asked. “She is a psychiatrist and the two of you get along.”

Lexa shook her head again. “Come next week she is my employee, that would just be unprofessional.”

Anya scoffed and sipped her wine. “Well, you should talk to someone before you fucking explode. Don`t think for a second that I don`t see that you are struggling.”

“Can we talk about something else please. This is just bringing me down.” Lexa pouted and Anya conceded.

She went on to tell Lexa all about her stimulating sex-life, and Lexa found herself lighter. It was fun to hear about Anya`s crazy dates and funny encounters. The joy and playfulness of her friend made her feel happy, and she wowed to herself that she would spend more time just hanging out with Anya. That woman could be a true entertainer. Her stories about weird and failed encounters had Lexa crying with laughter, and her vivid imagination had her spinning hilarious theories about people they worked with.

After consuming a bottle of wine and their skin was threatening to fall off, they called it a night. As Anya retired to what they referred to as her room, it dawned on Lexa just how long it had been since it had been used. Anya used to stay here all the time, but now it had been months.

Lexa stood, looking out of her bedroom window. The moon was almost full, casting it`s pale light over the lake and her gazebo. It looked so small and dark in the night, almost like a ghost, like a shadow from the past. Lexa closed her eyes and imagined the warm summer wind sweeping through the open door, making the thin curtains sway. She imagined pale soft skin against her own and bright blue eyes smiling at her. She remembered sweet words and a husky voice, a laugh that always made her heart flutter. She remembered still, keeping it locked away in her heart. 

 

 

Clarke was packing her things. It was her last week in the office at Polis General, and she was more than ready to get out of there and start her work at the ABF. Her and Raven had talked some more over the weekend, but a few details in Raven`s story nagged at her. Raven didn`t really remember, and Finn was a known liar, so Clarke had her doubts about Raven`s tequila night. Raven had said that she had checked her phone log to see that Lexa had in fact picked up her phone, but Clarke couldn`t imagine that Lexa would just ignore her friend. She was sorely tempted to look through Raven`s medical file, while she still had access to the system, but that would be a huge violation of her trust, and illegal.

 

Before she could think any further there was a knock on the door. Christina poked her head in the door and looked nervous.

“Jaha is looking for you. He seems pissed.” She whispered, and Clarke sighed. Lexa had texted her on Saturday asking how she was, and to inform her that she had filed a complaint against Finn and named her a witness. She had apologized for the position that put her in, but felt that it was necessary to make him accountable for his actions. Theselonius Jaha was the chairman of the board at the hospital, and Clarke had been expecting him to contact her about this today.

“Dr. Griffin” Jaha strode into the room like he owned it. He was the kind of powerful man that liked everyone to know just how much power he had. Clarke had never warmed to him, and his arrogant strut wasn`t making it better.

Clarke sat back in her chair and looked expectantly at him.

“The board would like a word with you concerning the gala last Friday.” He said with a stony face. “Right now, if you don`t mind.”

Clarke got up from her chair and smiled at him, letting him know that she didn`t feel intimidated by him.

“Lead the way Mr. Jaha” she said with a smile and followed him out. She made sure to roll her eyes at him to Christina as she left her office.

 

The board`s take on Friday night`s events wasn`t surprising to Clarke. Enraging, but not surprising. The board made Lexa out to be the villain and Clarke to be a tease. Finn seemed to have them all eating out of his hand, and it mad Clarke wonder how she had ever been even the slightest attracted to him.

They all had a look of shock and disgust on their faces when Clarke told them all to go fuck themselves. She was never going to try to smooth things over. Finn was out of line, and she would stand up in a court of law and testify to that fact if she had to. When Jaha threatened her job, she laughed at him. She had four days left, and if he wanted to fire her now, she wouldn`t mind leaving this afternoon.

The look on his face told her that their plan had been to blackmail her with her job, perhaps even giving her a new contract, to sway her to testify to Finn`s advantage. It gave her more pleasure than she would ever admit knowing that they had failed. She felt strong and empowered as she left the boardroom. She now had a week off before starting her new job instead of a week of packing and saying goodbye. It suited her just fine.

 

 

 

“Dr. Clarke Griffin is here to see you,” Lexa looked up from the papers at her desk and smiled at Aden. He was so eager, the best assistant she had ever had.

“Thank you, Aden, just show her in.”

He opened the door and Clarke walked in, she had an air of excitement about her. Her blue eyes shone and she had a spring to her step. Lexa couldn`t help the grin that spread on her face as she got up and greeted Clare with kisses to her cheeks. She could tell Clarke was blushing slightly, but figured it was just because she wasn`t accustomed to the French way of greeting yet.

“What a delightful surprise, Clarke” she said as she sat back down in her chair. Clarke did the same and they just smiled at each other for a minute.

“I just got fired because I refused to lie for Finn about Friday.” She blurted, and Lexa found herself gaping. She knew how a board full of men tended to view these things, but this seemed extreme.

“I guess I asked for it when I told them to go fuck themselves,” Clarke smiled and Lexa laughed. “So, I thought I would just drop by and sign that contract before I end up on the street.” There was a glint in Clarke`s eye. It reminded Lexa of someone else, and for a second she froze. She fumbled with her intercom to distract herself, hoping that Clarke hadn`t noticed.

“Aden. Will you get me Clarke`s contract please?” she asked. He appeared at the door 30 seconds later with the folder, smiling broadly at Clarke. Lexa rolled her eyes at the young man. He had no chill around beautiful women, luckily for him, his nervous response was a huge smile. It was always more charming than stuttering or staring.

“Thank you.” Lexa opened the folder and looked at Clarke. “Are you ready for this?” she arched a brow and Clarke smiled at her.

“Yes. This is a dream come true for me” for a minute they shared a look, before Lexa brought out her pen and signed the two copies of the contract and handed them to Clarke.

As Clarke signed, Lexa leaned back in her chair and studied the woman in front of her. She still couldn`t quite believe how easy it had been to snag her top candidate for the job.

“I am really looking forward to working with you Clarke,” she said as Clarke looked up from that papers “but before we start working together, I feel I must apologize for putting you in the situation you found yourself in today.”

Clarke waved her off. “You have nothing to apologize for Lexa. You filed a complaint, as you should in such circumstance. It is not your fault that the board of the Polis General Hospital is a bunch of chauvinistic idiots. You stood up for yourself, as did I, and I would say it all worked out for the better.” She smiled and Lexa relaxed a bit. She felt horrible for just sending Clarke a text letting her know that she was named a witness. She could have asked her, or thought more thoroughly about what the consequences for her would be. The fact that Clarke had talked to Raven also nagged at the back of her mind. She knew she had no business asking Clarke about it, but she wanted to.

“Lexa, can I ask you something personal?” Clarke`s request took Lexa by surprise and she found herself blinking at the blonde.

“Normally I would just mind my own business, but since we will be working closely together, and Raven is my closest friend, I can`t just leave it be.” Clarke`s words made Lexa`s stomach drop. She found herself nodding stiffly, having trouble meeting Clarke`s eyes.

“You paid her hospital bill didn`t you?” The question was not what Lexa was expecting. It confirmed that Raven didn`t remember much from that night, but how much of it was missing from the Latina`s memory?

“Yes, I did, and the fact that you had to ask tells me that Raven doesn`t know.” she could hear the nervous tremor in her own voice, but Clarke looked relieved. Almost as if Lexa had just given her the answer she was hoping for.

 

 

Clarke did feel relieved. Lexa hadn`t abandoned Raven that night. She had walked away, yes, but she had made sure she was safe and made sure that she would not succumb to economic problems after her stay at the hospital. Lexa had a faraway look in her eyes, filled with pain, and Clarke felt bad for her.

“I have no intention to meddle in this. Raven told me to stay out of it, but I just had to confirm my suspicion that it was you, and not Finn who paid her bill. She still thinks that he did it out of some residual love or guilt, but after seeing the way he acted in the board meeting today I knew that he has no conscience. I`m sorry I brought it up, I guess it just makes more sense that it would be you.” Clarke met Lexa`s eyes, she looked grateful. The usual glint in her eye was gone and there was something moving about the quiet beauty of Lexa`s solemn face. She looked so young for a moment, it made Clarke`s heart clench.

“Leaving her there has haunted me for years, but it was the only thing I could do. It was what she asked of me,” Lexa`s voice was quiet, and her green eyes were full of agony, but before Clarke could respond the office door burst open, startling both women.

“I hear there is cause for celebration in here” Anya was carrying three glasses and a bottle of champagne, an uncharacteristically wide smile on her face.

Clarke could see the confusion written on Lexa`s face, a rare sight she imagined and almost laughed. She could hardly recognize the stone-faced woman, now standing in front of her beaming.

“I must admit I had my doubts about you when you nearly broke Lexa`s pretty face, but you are one bad ass lady. I tip my imaginary hat to you for standing up to those misogynistic ass hats at Polis General today!” Anya bowed dramatically before placing the glasses on the table.

Clarke wasn`t quite sure how to respond. She looked to Lexa, who had already recovered, now looking amused.

“Allow me to formally introduce you to Anya Wellington.” Lexa stood up and gestured towards her friend. “She is my closest associate and good friend, who is a bitch most of the time, but don`t worry, there is more bark than bite in this one.” Anya scowled at Lexa, but extended her hand in greeting and Clarke stood up to take her hand.

Her hand was soft, but strong, and her expression was a lot warmer than the stony one she had been sporting the first time they met. The person standing before her now could easily be someone completely different, but Clarke liked the change. It made her less nervous about working here.

 

“Clarke just signed her contract,” Lexa said and held up the document, smiling. Clarke could stare at that smile all day. Lexa`s perfect white teeth, her full lips and her eyes. The light in the room made them a brighter green than usual, and Clarke didn`t realize she was actually staring until the pop of the champagne cork brought her out of her trance.

They spent some time together drinking champagne, sharing stories and planning for the future. Lexa and Anya turned out to be a lot of fun. Anya told some crazy stories from their time together in Liberia and after more than an hour Clarke felt slightly buzzed and very happy.

 

“If I could persuade Clarke to start working immediately instead of waiting until Monday, could she, as leader of our new project do the radio gig later this week?” Lexa suddenly asked Anya. She was leaning back on the couch in her office in a less than businesslike manner, looking like she just came up with the best idea she ever had. Clarke concluded that she wasn`t the only one feeling the buzz and had to giggle at the sight of Lexa this relaxed.

Anya barked out a laugh and shook her head.

“Nice try, but they are expecting you.” she turned to Clarke. “No offence Clarke, but no one knows who you are. The whole point is to have guests that people know on the show.” Lexa groaned and hid her face in her hands.

“But I don`t want to. She always makes me so uncomfortable with her stupid questions, and I suck at giving advice.” Lexa turned to Clarke as well and smiled brightly at her. “But Clarke is a psychiatrist. She is very competent at giving advice. She is perfect for it” Lexa gave Clarke a pleading look that had her completely at her mercy. Her sad pleading eyes and pouty lips had Clarke ready to surrender, even if she had no idea what she was agreeing to. She was, luckily saved by Anya`s stern voice.

“Don`t be an idiot Lexa, and nobody is going to fall for that stupid face. Not even you are that pretty.” Clarke felt a little offended, on both her own and Lexa`s behalf at that, but instead of voicing her incredibly inappropriate thoughts on Lexa`s beauty she found herself asking what this radio show was.

Anya was only too happy to explain. The show was a sort of panel show where the host had celebrity guest discuss and give advice on problems that the listeners sent in. Clarke had often tuned in to the show herself and found it very entertaining.

“I like that show. Why wouldn`t you want to do that?” she asked Lexa earnestly.

Lexa sighed and emptied her glass.

“I am not a very entertaining guest on that show. I`m too stiff and take it way too seriously.” She said, looking a little defeated.

“Let`s not forget the hostess` thinly veiled attempts at getting in your pants.” Anya said and laughed.

“You may not be very entertaining in your advice, but listening to two hours of you fending Gillian “Barbie” More off as graciously and politely as only you can, is very entertaining.” Lexa grimaced and Anya laughed even harder.

“Well, it sounds like miss More might be too disappointed if I show up in your stead, so I guess you are one your own. Sorry” Clarke said with a shrug.

Lexa pouted for a bit, but then she smiled and shook her head.

“It was worth a try.”

 

They stayed for a while, talking a laughing, but Clarke had made plans with Raven to watch a movie so eventually she had to leave. As Lexa bid her goodbye at the elevator she kissed both of her cheeks in true French fashion. The warm tingling feeling of Lexa`s soft lips lingered on her cheeks the entire ride down, and Clarke felt like a prize idiot when she caught her own dreamy expression in the elevator mirror.                            


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn`t die, or give up. I just went on holidays, for two months. I hope you enjoy...

The room was bright an airy, walls freshly painted and all the furniture was new. This studio was a testament to Polis Public Radio`s success at adapting to a new digital age. Lexa knew that much of the success could be attributed to the woman sitting across the table, smiling seductively at her. She was wildly popular with the listeners and a media and investor favorite. Her show, Celebrity Counseling with Gillian More was one of the most downloaded podcasts in the country, and had a large live audience as well. Millions of listeners would tune in every Friday afternoon to listen to Gillian and her panel of celebrities give advice to problems that the listeners sent in.

Lexa had never felt comfortable with the concept of the show, or the concept of being a celebrity. She was by no means an A-list, but every sow had one person in the panel from either politics or academia, and in that world Lexa was a star. She had been from an early age, when she started Sorbonne at a record young age, but this was entertainment, and Lexa didn`t know how to do that.

She stared into her tea, partly wishing for it to be a glass of wine, and partly to avoid Gillian`s gaze. The other guests seemed more at ease. Gina Martin, an actress in a popular TV show was sipping coffee and chatting easily with Tristan Trikru, aka TT, a rapper with what Lexa would describe as a bad attitude. The last one on the panel was Luna Rivers, a yoga instructor with a great following. She was seen as a guru, and Lexa had liked her the minute they met. There was a tranquility to her that Lexa found relaxing, and the fact that they were seated next to each other was comforting, considering Gillian had placed Lexa directly across from herself.           

 

Clarke laid back in her tub and sipped her gin tonic. She knew that mixing alcohol and a hot bath was not recommended, but it felt so good to relax in the hot water with a cold drink. It was a long time since she had had the luxury of laying in her bath tub on a Friday afternoon, drink in hand, ready to listen to one of her favorite shows. There wasn`t much in the way of professional counseling on Celebrity Counseling, but it was usually very entertaining, all depending on the guests of course. She had sent Lexa a good luck text earlier in the day and was really looking forward to hearing her on the show.

The title song of the show faded out and Gillian More`s smooth voice filled her bathroom.

“Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to Celebrity Counseling with Gillian More. We have quite the show for you today, with some very interesting problems, but before we start let me introduce the guests on today`s panel. We have the beautiful Gina Martin, star of the new hit show The Immortals, rapper TT Tristan Trikru, Yoga guru Luna Rivers and the mysterious scholar, humanitarian, business woman and who knows what else Lexa Bois.” Gillian`s voice turned to honey as she introduced Lexa. She wasn`t even trying to hide the flirtation in her voice, and Clarke found that it irked her.

All the guests said hi, and Clarke bit her lip when Lexa`s voice came out of her radio. She closed her eyes in appreciation, before she scolded herself for her inappropriate feelings. Then again, she was at home alone in her own bath tub, she could just indulge and enjoy it, no one would know.

Gillian started the show the way she always did, asking about the guest’s relationship statuses. This was nothing new, but today Clarke found herself especially interested. Gina giggled and told that she had just started seeing a wonderful, tall dark and handsome man, TT was single, but getting plenty, Luna was currently single and then there was Lexa.

“So, Lexa. Last time you were here, about a year and a half ago, you were in a relationship. Are you still happy and in love?” Clarke could almost hear Gillian`s fluttering eye lashes.

“No. I am single” Lexa kept it short, and her voice was all business. It had none of the warmth that Clarke liked so much.

“Oh no, what happened” it was clear that Gillian wasn`t upset at all.

“It ended.” The was a hint of something in Lexa`s voice, like she was struggling to keep her voice even. Clarke often heard this in patients when they were dealing with difficult emotions.

“So now you are single and ready to mingle. What are you looking for in a woman? What is your dream woman?” Gillian pressed. This was not usually something she would ask, but Clarke found herself sitting up straighter.

“I don`t think I have a dream woman. I guess I`ll know when I find her” Lexa answered in her diplomatic voice.

“Oh, come on Lexa. We all friends in here. You can tell us!” TT cut in.

Everyone laughed. “How about you tell us if you are an ass or tits girl?” he continued.

“How about if you like blondes or brunettes” Gina chimed in, clearly amused.

“How about if you like them young or more mature. I have heard some rumors about you” Gillian was in full flirt mode now.

 

“How about a girl who`s got a brain, and always speaks her mind” Lexa quipped, and Clarke nearly fell under the water when she threw her head back laughing.

The show got back on track after that and Clarke really enjoyed herself. The dynamic between Lexa`s and Luna`s more serious advice, TT`s asshole attitude, Gina`s giggling answers, and Gillian`s relentless attempts at flirting with Lexa made for an interesting afternoon. Clarke had finished her GT and had a slight buzz when the last problem was read out. Up until now it had been pretty easy going, laundry issues in new relationships, what to do about you annoying neighbor, but this one had the whole panel shocked into silence.

The letter was from a man who had met the love of his life. They had a perfect relationship and now she wanted him to meet her family, and then he finds out that he has slept with both his girlfriend`s sister and mother. Both before he met her of course, but now he doesn`t know what to do. Should he tell his girlfriend or not tell her and hope her mother and sister shut up about it

 

 

The studio was completely silent, and then TT bellowed a laugh.

“This has to be joke!” he laughed. Gina looked bewildered and Lexa regretted agreeing to do the show. She sincerely doubted that the panel of people in this studio would ever agree on an advice for this guy.

Gillian shook her head seriously and confirmed that this was in fact not a joke. She explained that she had shortened the letter a bit to save time, but if we needed more information to go on, she might be able to help.

“Did he sleep with the sister and mother at the same time?” Gina finally squeaked out and TT laughed again.

“Now, that is a great mental image to give your girlfriend! I had a threesome with you sister and your mom!” Gina looked disgusted, and Lexa saw all hope of actually giving this guy some helpful advice fade away.

“No, they were two separate events, and he had no idea they were all related.” Gillian supplied.

“I bet they all look alike. This guy clearly has a type” TT took far too much enjoyment in this man`s awkward situation for Lexa`s taste.

“Could we be serious for one moment?” Lexa snapped. She had had enough of TT joking around. Everyone was looking at her now, waiting for what she had to say.

“I think the first thing he needs to figure out is what he wants. Does he want to be with this woman no matter the cost? Because there is no way out of this situation without some sort of cost, no matter what he does.” She said calmly.

“Are you saying he should walk away because of something HE did?” Gina asked, eyes challenging.

“I think walking away is his best bet. No woman is going to get over that shit. He should give her some other reason and spilt, preferably to another town. That way she will never know, and he won`t have to deal with the drama. There are other fish in the sea.” TT shrugged, and Gina scoffed at him.

“If he loves her, he should fight for her.” Gina countered, and for the first time today the two seemed to be at odds with each other.

“There might not be anything left to fight for if he tells her this. I think it will destroy their relationship and the one his girlfriend has to her family. Maybe the most compassionate thing to do in this situation is to lie, to spear her the pain of knowing” Luna said, surprising everyone in the studio.

“And to take away her opportunity to decide for herself what she wants?” Lexa asked pointedly.

“Do you really think there is a person on this planet who will be able to move past knowing that the person you love has fucked not one, but two of your closest relatives?” Luna shot back.

Lexa knew Luna had a point, but lying didn`t sit right with her.

“We have no way of knowing if she is able or willing to do that, but no matter what, I think he owes it to her to be honest. If this thing goes down in flames, at least she knows why. The whole “It`s not you, it`s me” approach is cowardice and cruel.” Lexa argued.

“Perhaps he can get the sister and mother to keep quiet about it. I doubt they would want the truth to come out.” Gina offered, and both Lexa and Luna whirled on her, looking shocked.

“No,” they said in unison.

“There is no way that ends well.” Luna said.

“There is no way this ends well no matter what this guy does. He is fucked either way. I say move on.” TT said standing his ground.

“This is a terrible situation, for all the people involved, because nobody actually did anything wrong. He slept with other women before he met his girlfriend, and by chance, or type,” she nodded at TT “-they happened to be related. He didn`t cheat, he didn`t break her trust or betray her. He has done nothing wrong, and yet he finds himself in a situation where it will hurt her, no matter what he does. I think a hurtful truth is preferable to a tolerable lie any day. Stay honest, talk to her, fight for her is you want this to work, and if you don`t. If this is too much for you, break it off and tell her the truth of that too. Tell her what you did, and why her you can`t move past it. That way, at least she knows what she is dealing with. No matter what happens, what you decide, respect your girlfriend`s feelings and reaction. Be open and vulnerable.” Lexa said with a finality that rendered the other people in the room speechless.

 

Clarke was impressed. She had dried herself and was sitting on the bench in her bathroom in her thick soft robe. The problem could have opened up a host of sex shaming, prejudice and arguing, but Lexa had taken control of the situation with dignity. Clarke had no doubt that Gillian More had picked this problem, thinking it would be of the highest entertainment value and cause the panel to argue the most, but Lexa had torpedoed her plan with what Clarke considered a therapist worthy advice. Clarke couldn`t wrap her head around how someone who was clearly so full of compassion had a reputation for being ice cold.

 

 

Clarke found her answer on Monday morning, sitting in the boardroom of the ABF offices. It was her first official day working there and Lexa was introducing her to the members of the board. All traces of Lexa`s warmth and caring personality had vanished behind a cold professional mask. She was firm and to the point with every word, her posture straight and clothes perfect. Her dark blue suit and white shirt didn’t have as much as a wrinkle, her shoes didn’t have a single scuff mark and her hair was arranged beautiful intricate braids. Clarke wanted to reach out and touch them, feel the softness of her hair, but she pulled herself together and focused on the meeting.

Lexa was having a discussion with Titus Blake about the upcoming charity concert the ABF was hosting at Polis Stadium. His tamper flared every time Lexa coolly put him in his place. It was clear from the other board members that this was not out of the ordinary. Titus challenged Lexa at every turn, out of spite it might seem, but Lexa never rose to the bait. Lexa`s display of quiet power against an increasingly rabid and loud man didn`t make her any less attractive in Clarke`s mind.

When Lexa ended the discussion with a flick of the hand and ended the meeting, Clarke found herself mildly turned on. She had always had a weak spot for women I power suits, but the intensity of her attraction to Lexa was unsettling. As they stood up, a red-faced Titus brushed past her and left the room without a second glance in her direction.

 “Don`t mind him. He has problems dealing with the fact that he is not in charge in here,” a voice behind Clarke said. She turned to see a middle-aged woman smiling at her.

“I`m Lillian Milton,” she offered her hand and Clarke gripped it firmly,

“Pleased to meet you” Clarke replied. She was sure Lexa had included this women in her folder about the foundation that she had brought home and read over the weekend, but she couldn`t for the life of her remember anything about her.

“I have been on the board since the foundation, and was very close with Aurora. She was smart as a whip, and with help from Lexa she turned what Titus thought would be her little hobby, and his playground, into a serious foundation. And to top it off, they managed to make sure that Titus has as little power as possible here. It still drives him mad.” She chuckled, and Clarke stared at her.

“Lexa helped Aurora found the ABF? But she was… “ Clarke tried to remember how old Lexa would have been.

“She was twenty,” Lillian beamed, looking almost as proud as if Lexa was her own daughter.

The other board members came over and greeted Clarke one by one. Everyone was excited about the new project she was heading, and Clarke felt very welcome at her new place of work. Everyone filed out and went about their day, but Lillian hovered.

“Will you let me take you to lunch?” she asked, and Clarke hesitated, glancing at her watch. She had a million things to do, and didn`t want to end up taking a long lunch break already on her first day. On the other hand, she couldn`t turn down a member of the board.

“I`ll meet you outside at 12 o`clock” she said and patted Clarke shoulder before she left.

Clarke was left stunned for a second, before she headed towards her own office. Lexa had assigned her a handful of people to help her run the project, but there were still positions to be filled, contractors to hire and she had to assemble the medical, and psychiatric team that would head the new center. She would have to meet with the police department to make arrangements for the collaboration between the police and the center.

Clarke held a short meeting with her new staff, delegating responsibilities and task before she started her work. The first priority for the coming week would have to be the charity concert the ABF was throwing at Polis Stadium. Lexa was leading that project since the income would be divided between a few different of the ABF`s causes, but the new center would receive most of the money and Clarke had to prepare a lot of things. She looked over the list of artists performing. There were many names she knew, some that she didn`t and some that seemed to be undecided. Her lists of due dates were telling her that the production company needed to have the finalized list today, so she decided that she had to pay Lexa a visit.

 

The sight that greeted her when she opened Lexa`s door was unexpected to say the least. If she hadn`t known for certain that the dancing woman was the same as the cold professional she had witnessed earlier in the boardroom, she would have assumed she was in the wrong office.

Lexa had tossed her suit jacked on the back of the sofa, rolled up her sleeves and was dancing around rather skillfully to a song with a strong beat and a mix of English and French lyrics. The sway of her hips and the blissful look on her face was hypnotizing, so Clarke leaned back against the door frame and enjoyed the view. They way Lexa`s mouth formed the French words made sure Clarke didn`t notice when Anya entered the room. Too wrapped up in Lexa`s beautiful full lips and sensually moving body to give the rest of the world a second thought.

 

“Every day is a party at the ABF” Anya announced loudly, jolting both other women out of their bubbles. Lexa`s eyes snapped open and widened a fraction at the sight of Anya and Clarke at her door. Then she smiled one of her brilliant smiles. Clarke`s heart was going a mile a minute. She felt like she had been caught ogling, and she had, but technically only by Anya. Lexa didn`t know how long she had been standing there so she tried to play it cool and returned Lexa`s smile.

“Nice moves Bois. Is this how you usually spend your business hours?” she teased.

Anya scoffed and went to place something on Lexa`s desk.

“As good as she is at it, this one has been no fun for at least a year. Today`s little dance can only mean one thing; Héloïse is coming to town this weekend.” Anya grinned, and Lexa scowled.

“Héloïse?” Clarke cursed herself for falling right into Anya`s trap. This was none of her business.

Anya`s grin widened, confirming Clarke`s suspicion, and she sat down on Lexa`s desk.

“The lady singing is Héloïse, she was going to call back and confirm if she was able to make it to the concert today.” Anya gestured with a thumb towards the speakers as she spoke.

“Does this mean we can finalize the list,” Clarke asked, desperate for a new topic. She could sense that Anya was going somewhere with this, and if Lexa`s tense posture was anything to go by it would probably involve Anya`s intense pleasure at exposing or embarrassing Lexa. Clarke knew that they were close, but it seemed odd to her that Anya always wanted to push Lexa towards opening up.

More importantly, Clarke didn`t want to hear anything that Lexa didn`t want her to know. The prospect of getting to know her thrilled Clarke, but she wanted it to come from Lexa herself. She wanted to earn her trust.

Clarke handed Lexa the list of performers and explained the producers need to know the final list before the end of the day.

 

 

Lexa took the list and sat down at her desk, her burst of joy and energy from her phone call drained from her. She knew where Anya was headed with this, she could see that glint in her eyes, telling her that she wanted to share her secret knowledge with Clarke, but Clarke either didn`t pick up on it or didn`t want to know. Most people would jump at the chance for gossip, but Clarke had proved to be different from the first time they met. She felt grateful for that now as Clarke went straight to business.

 

She carefully looked over the list. Crossed out two of the bands that had been uncertain and crossed over the question mark after Christine and the queens.

“I`ll send you all the relevant contact information as well. I am guessing that the production company is going to need that too” she said as she handed the list to Clarke. She looked it over as well.

“I have to ask. How did you pull this off?” Clarke held up the list.

“I mean, there are some bands here that I have never heard of, but Adele, Rhianna, Beyoncé and Coldplay?” Clarke looked at her with wide blue eyes before she continued.

“Just getting them to come is impressive, but I have seen the budget, and they are not getting paid for this are they?”

Anya laughed and took her leave. She was probably needed elsewhere, and Lexa and Clarke had ruined her fun.

Lexa sat back and debated her answer. There was the simple answer, and the more complicated one. They were both true.

“All the artist on that list have been selected for their credibility as performers and creators of music, and for their believes in a world without violence. Some are well known, others have been given a golden opportunity to shine on a global stage.” She fiddled with her pen before she met Clarkes gaze.

“This concert is a charity project, it is meant to create maximum publicity and income for the cause. It is my firm belief that if you do something for charity, you do it to benefit the cause, not yourself. All of their expenses are paid of course, but that is it, and it seems the most people agree with me.” Clarke stared at her, and then she smiled.

“So, you just called them up and asked them nicely?” Clarke grinned and Lexa had to smile back. 

“Yes, I did Clarke” She could feel herself grinning as Clarke gathered her papers and left her office with a shake of the head and an “Unbelievable” muttered under her breath.

 

Lexa felt like there was a million thigs to do this week. The concert was fast approaching, and the entire organization was working relentlessly towards the goal. Clarke had proven to be a valuable member of the team already. She wasn`t just a respectful and considerate woman, she was a good leader and a hard worker. Lexa was looking forward to seeing her spread her wings and really get into the work with the new center.

 

Lexa was preparing for a press conference when there was a knock on her door. Clarke was standing in her doorway, biting her lip and looking shyer than Lexa had ever seen her.

“Are you all right Clarke?” she asked.

“Yeah. I just… Lillian Milton is taking me to lunch,” she said, trailing off.

“And you are worried she is going to think it`s a date?” Lexa asked, trying to ascertain the reason for Clarke`s uncertainty.

Clarke bared a laugh, before she turned serious again.

“I hadn`t thought about that, but you don`t think she would, do you?”

Now it was Lexa`s turn to laugh.

“No, Clarke. I don`t think so. It is a tradition here at the ABF that Lillian take all new employees to lunch on their first day. I am sorry if I failed to mention this to you.”

Clarke looked relieved and smiled.

“That`s a nice tradition.” She concluded and Lexa had to agree. Taking care of her people was important to Aurora, it was important to Lillian and it was important to Lexa.

“Yeah. Just keep in mind that Lillian is a terrible gossip. She likes to make things more dramatic than they were. I usually don`t mind the way she tells the story of the founding, but I want you to know that anyone with a law degree could have helped Aurora out. There was no genius work on my part, and the only reason she came to me was that I was the only person in this city she could trust not to tell Titus. And it wasn`t vindictive on my part. Minimizing his influence here was the best way to ensure the ABF could actually make a difference, and not just be a front to give Blake Enterprises good publicity. I believed in her vision, so I helped her.” Lexa didn`t know why it was so important to her that Clarke knew. She didn`t want her to believe that Lexa had wanted to be petty, or conspire against Titus out of spite.

Clarke smiled and looked at her with a warmth that told Lexa of a very caring nature. She nodded and walked off to have her lunch with Lillian.

 

The lunch was fantastic, and Lexa had not been wrong about Lillian`s love for gossip. She had asked her at length about the situation with Finn at the gala, and the meeting with the hospital board later, soaking up all the details Clarke was willing to share.

She had also, in very dramatic turns, told the story of how Titus had wanted Blake Enterprise’s image improved and thought it a good idea for Aurora to front a foundation for him. Blake Enterprises would donate a percentage of their income every year and have a place on the board. He left the details of the founding statues to his wife, thinking she would as told. But Aurora was sick of his greed and despised the man he had become, so she made sure, with Lexa`s help, that the ABF would as independent from Titus and Blake Enterprises as possible.

He had been livid when he had found out, but it was too late and Aurora took charge of her life`s work, moving out from under her husband`s shadow.

 

Clarke was buzzing with excitement on her way back to work when she bumped into an old colleague.

“Christina! How are you?” she asked, hugging the other woman.  

“Life at Polis General is not the same without you Clarke.” Christina smiled, and Clarke found that she missed her.

“Well, if you miss me, you could always come and work for me instead. I`ll be putting together a medical team for the new center, and I would love for you to join us.” She beamed, but Christina didn`t look thrilled.

“I don`t think I can work for Lexa” she said uncertainly.

Clarke felt her blood starting to boil. What was the matter with people?

“I would just be too humiliated to ever face her again.”

It clicked for Clarke then. She remembered what Lexa told her at the party.

“Oh, don`t worry about that. Lexa can handle people saying stupid shit when they are drunk. She didn`t take it very seriously, and she thought that you had a crush on me, so don`t worry.” She laughed, but Christina didn`t look convinced.

“Did she tell you that I asked her for a quickie in the bathroom?” Clarke nodded in response.

“Did she tell you that I asked her out on a date?” Christina was blushing, and Clarke shook her head.

“Did she tell you that I drooled all over her?” Christina was beet red now and Clarke giggled.

“Oh, come on. Everyone drools on Lexa. She is used to it…” Clarke was cut off by Christina`s vigorous head shaking.

“No, Clarke. I literally drooled on her. Slobbered all over her beautiful chest,” Christina hid her face in her hands and Clarke was just gaping at her.

It took a moment before Clarke gathered herself and patted Christina`s shoulder.

“I get it, but if you ever change your mind, you have my number. I am sure Lexa can look past it. She is very professional.” Clarke smiled and went back to work.                 


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go, chapter 8.  
> I have been looking forward to writing this one. I might make changes, but for now I just wanted to get it out there.
> 
> I don`t know Heloïse Letissier, but I dig Christine and the Queens, so I made her a character in here.  
> The italics is Lexa and Heloise speaking french. I couldn`t be bothered to write it in franch, bacause I want people to be able to understand the dialog.
> 
> Let me know what you think:-)

 

Clarke felt like she was running on fumes. The ABF offices had quieted down for the night, but she knew she wasn`t the only one still at her desk. It was dark outside, and Clarke longed for a bath and some shut eye, but her mountain of things to do never seemed to diminish. The concert was tomorrow, and the organization had been working tirelessly the entire week. Clarke had at times felt like she was part of an ant colony, the whole office abuzz. But now it seemed that even the ABF`s hard working ants had to sleep before the big day. She rubbed her hands in her eyes and decided that she needed sleep as well. She just needed to hand some papers over to Lexa end then she would head home and eat cold pizza in her tub.

 

Aden rounded a corner just as she was about to knock on Lexa`s door. He looked exhausted, but smiled when he saw her.

“Lexa went home for the day” he said as he gathered up his things.

Clarke was shocked. It had never happened before. She had only been her for a week, but had the impression that Lexa was always the last to leave and the first to arrive. She looked around and concluded that Aden might be the only other person in the building.

“She is in the apartment upstairs” came Anya`s voice from the office next to Lexa`s.

Clarke`s tired brain tried to make sense of it, but she was sure Lexa had mentioned living in the woods, by the lake, at one of their shared lunches this week.

They had taken to eating lunch in Lexa`s office while working, and it was Clarke`s favorite time of day.

“I thought Lexa lived by the lake?”

Anya came out and leaned tiredly against the door frame.

“She has an apartment upstairs for weeks like this one where she is working her ass off. Less traveling” Anya yawned and Clarke felt a little bewildered as to what she should do with the papers in her hand. Lexa had said she wanted them tonight, but she could have stopped by her office to ask for them if it was important. Perhaps she should just leave them on her desk.

“If that is the script for tomorrow you should just take it up to her before you leave. She will probably be up half the night making adjustments on it. It`s the only fancy wooden door on the top floor. The code in the elevator is 1789, year of the French revolution.” Anya rolled her eyes and collected her jacket before she playfully shoved Aden into the elevator.

Clarke didn`t know what to do. She didn`t want to intrude, but if Lexa really needed this, she wouldn`t mind stopping by. If Anya was right, she wouldn`t be waking her boss up.  

 

The elevator ride was short and there was no mistaking the wooden door on the top floor. Clarke knocked and waited, and when the door finally swung open she forgot all the things she was supposed to say. She just stood there like a gaping fish taking in the sight before her.

Lexa was dressed, or rather not dressed, in a white tight tank top and a pair of black panties. All of her glorious legs, bare and on display for Clarke, who was struggling to keep herself from looking. It was a lost cause of course. She took in Lexa`s toned legs, her abs, that were visible through the top, her perfectly shaped breasts… She managed to pull herself together and look at Lexa`s face. She looked surprised, but not at all uncomfortable with her own state of undress, or Clarke`s obvious ogling.

 

“Clarke… “ she smiled and Clarke finally found her voice.

“Sorry to intrude on your … privacy.” She gestured vaguely towards Lexa`s lack of clothing, and the brunette seemed amused. She stepped aside ang gestured for Clarke to follow her in.

Clarke had barely stepped inside before she spotted a pair of naked legs sticking up from the couch.

“Lexa! Who is at the door?” an impatient voice rang out.

Clarke felt mortified. She had gone to her boss` home, seen her practically naked, and interrupted something that she shouldn’t be privy to at all. In her panic over the train wreck of a situation she mumbled an apology and spun around to flee the scene, hitting the door with her face. She felt the blood pouring out of her nose before she felt the pain of the hit. The pain of humiliation and embarrassment came last, as Lexa rushed forward to help her.

 

She dropped the folder and hid her face in her hands. Her nose was bleeding, but she doubted that it was broken.

“Clarke, are you all right?” Lexa`s voice was full of concern as she moved to get a better look at Clarke.

Her green eyes were full of concern as she put down her wine glass and laid her hand on Clarke`s shoulder. Her hand was warm and her touch gentle. Clarke had to hold herself back not to lean in to Lexa`s slightly rough hand. Clarke caught herself wondering why that was. She must do some sort of work with her hands, or workout on her spare time.

“O, can you please bring me some towels?” Lexa asked and Clarke cringed.

She had no desire to meet the woman Lexa had in her apartment. She didn`t want to know, didn`t want to see what kind of woman that Lexa would share intimate things with. Lexa always made Clarke feel important, like she cared about her. Lexa often made her feel like the only person in the room, and Clarke knew deep down that this was not something Lexa did exclusively for her. She probably had the ability to make all people feel that way, but Clarke wanted to hold on to the feeling of being special just a little bit longer.

The sound of naked feet padding over hardwood floors sounded through the apartment and Clarke looked up to see a young woman, dressed much like Lexa, eye her with curiosity. She held the towels in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. She was every bit as beautiful as Clarke had feared, and even younger. Long brown hair, smooth muscular legs and delicate features.

“Jesus Lexa. I know you value privacy, but slamming the door in her face was a bit much don`t you think?” she handed Lexa the towels and Lexa scowled back at her. The girl leaned against the wall and observed while sipping her beer.

Clarke took one of the towels and held it up to her bleeding nose.

“In Lexa`s defense, it was more me slamming my face into the door, than Lexa slamming the door in my face,” she mumbled through the reddening towel.

The young brunette raised her brow and smirked.

“You must be Dr. Clarke Griffin” she said and grinned. Lexa looked confused for a moment before she cleared her throat.

“Yes, she is. Clarke, this is my sister Octavia. Octavia, this is Clarke. Be nice and behave while I go and find some ice for her nose.” Lexa said and left the two women alone in the hall.

Clarke`s head was spinning. It could be from the blow to the face, or the confusing situation, she wasn`t sure. She reached out and took Octavia`s outstretched hand, and the girl smiled warmly at her.

“I had no idea Lexa had a sister” Clarke blurted and Octavia`s brows rose in surprise.

“Really? I thought the whole city was gossiping about how Lexa abducted me from my family.” Octavia laughed, but she stopped when she saw the utter confusion on Clarke`s face.

“She didn`t really though, abduct me, I mean.” She hurried to clarify.

“What did you say O? she looks shell shocked!” Lexa complained when she came back with ice and a wet towel. Clarke placed the ice over her nose and Lexa started to gently clean Clarke`s bloody hands.

“Don`t be an ass, I didn`t do anything. It`s you who have completely forgotten to tell your new friend that you have a sister. Are you ashamed of me or something? Is it because I am a Blake?” Octavia teased. Clarke could tell that there was no malice there, but she also knew that Lexa had a difficult relationship with the Blakes. She refused to call Bellamy her brother, so why was she considering Octavia to be her sister?

 

Lexa rolled her eyes and started to clean Clarke`s other hand. The care she took with the wash cloth made Clarke feel warm and tingly. The smooth rubbing motion and look of concentration on her face was adorable.

 

“I sometimes forget that you seem to be deaf to all gossip, Clarke.” She smiled and Clarke felt like she could drown in the green eyes of her woman holding her hand.

“I am not deaf to all gossip. Lillian wouldn`t shut up during the lunch on Monday, but she never mentioned you.” Clarke looked at Octavia and the girl smirked.

“I`m pretty much the only one who is off limits to that woman,” Octavia smiled fondly.

“She was probably worried about saying something you didn`t know. A few months ago, she would have talked your ear off about how happy mom would have been to see how close me and Lexa are,” she added nonchalantly.       

Clarke didn`t know what to say. She wondered what had happened to change that, but bit her lip to keep herself from asking. She didn`t know this girl didn`t know her at all, she had no right to ask, so she just nodded.

The bleeding had stopped, and her nose was getting numb from the ice, so she figured she should get cleaned up and go home.

“Could I use the bathroom for a minute, so I can get cleaned up?” she asked, and Lexa pointed the way.

 

 

“She is cute,” Octavia said and smirked behind her beer bottle.

Lexa narrowed her eyes at her sister.

“You interested?” she asked and Octavia huffed in response.

No, but I can see why you are,” she stuck out her tongue at her older sister.

Lexa shook her head in exasperation. Octavia had been spending too much time with Anya.

“You shake your head in denial, but your eyes betray you sister,” Octavia sang.

“Anya told me you were a boobs-girl, and you have got to learn how to look that woman in the eye, because that staring at her cleavage is going to get you into trouble.” Octavia laughed.

“I was looking at her hands.” Lexa defended.

“Her hands, that you just had to clean, personally, really fucking slowly, with a wash cloth,” Octavia pointed at Lexa with her beer bottle and Lexa could feel herself blushing. Just as she was about to respond Clarke came out of the bathroom. She snapped her mouth shut and scowled at Octavia.

“I better head home. Long day tomorrow,” she smiled, “I`m sorry for interrupting your evening, I just wanted to bring you the script for the show,” she gestured to the folder on the floor.

“Thank you, Clarke, you really didn`t have to bring it up her.” Lexa said, knowing who put her up to this. Anya and Aden were the only people to know the code, and Aden would never give it to anyone.

“I hope your nose is going to be all right,” she added as Clarke opened the door to leave.

“Yeah, it`s not like it`s broken or anything,” Clarke smiled and winked as she closed the door behind her.

 

“Would you remind me to kill Anya tomorrow and have Gus dispose of the body,” Lexa said as she tidied up the bloody towels and too a big gulp of wine.

“She knew we were having a movie night tonight. Do you think she sent Clarke up here to embarrass you?” Octavia asked as she sat down on the couch.

“I don`t know. She might be trying to push us together, or she just wants to hear the story of how she reacted when I opened the door in my underwear.”

Octavia laughed “Well, how did she look, because that outfit doesn`t leave much to the imagination Lexa”

 

Lexa remembered Clarke`s roaming eyes and gaping expression. It had felt good to have Clarke`s attention on her, and she had been so cute and flustered.

Lexa closed her eyes as the guilt settled in her chest. It shouldn`t have felt that good to have Clarke`s eyes on her.

“No comment”                                 

 

 

Clarke felt exhausted when she finally arrived at her own apartment. She really had to do something about her stupid crush on Lexa. It was getting out of hand, and she had only worked with the woman for a week. She sighed as she put her keys in the bowl and shrugged her jacket off.

 

“God! Do you always work this late?” Raven`s voice almost made her jump out of her own skin.

The brunette emerged from the kitchen with a stern look.

“Raven, what are you doing here?” Clarke asked and hugged her friend. A night of drinking with Raven would be perfect right now.

“Well, I came here to feed you and make sure you relax before your big day tomorrow.” Raven stated and went back into the kitchen. Clarke followed, curious to see what Raven was up to in there. Her kitchen smelled of spices, greasy food and there was Mexican beer. Her stomach growled and she suddenly realized she hadn`t eaten all afternoon.

“We both know I can`t cook, so I ordered from your favorite taqueria. I have done my best to keep it warm, but you came home later than I anticipated,” Raven opened two bottles of beer and took the food out of the oven.

Clarke hadn`t really seen Raven since their talk about Lexa. She had been so busy at work, and she was a little unsure whether she should stay out of it, or tell Raven what she knew. There had also been a fear that things would be awkward between them now, but Raven seemed like her old self and Clarke was filled with gratitude towards her friend.

“I can`t believe you did this for me, Raven. You are the best friend ever!” she kissed her cheek and filled a plate with food.

 

They ate in the living room, on the couch like they were teenagers again. Clarke told Raven about her work, the upcoming concert and Raven told Clarke about a new project she was leading. It was nice and comfortable, but Clarke found herself avoiding bringing up Lexa. She wanted to be able to tell her best friend about her little, very problematic, crush, but she held back.

 

“So,” Raven threw down her napkin, “on a scale from one to ten, how bad is your crush on Lexa?”

Clarke could feel the heat creeping up her neck, and looked away.   

“Oh, come one Clarke! I can hear it in the way you talk about her, without really talking about her. I get that you are omitting her for my benefit, but there is no need. I know I handled this whole thing badly, and she is not my favorite person, but I am your best friend. You can talk to me. I promise not to freak out on you.” Raven took Clarke`s hand and smiled.

Clarke felt torn. She didn`t want to open any wounds for Raven, but she did need to talk to someone about this.

“I would say it`s about a six” she relented, but Raven saw right through her.

“Try again Griffin,” she smirked, and Clarke groaned, hiding her face in a pillow.

“Fine! It`s probably more like an eight…. Maybe nine,” she mumbled into the pillow and Raven laughed.

“I knew it!” she squealed in triumph.

 

Clarke told Raven about all of the embarrassing situations she had gotten herself into, ogling Lexa in various states of gorgeous, the lunches they shared and the fact that Anya most certainly was on to her.

“How do I get rid of it Raven? I can`t have a crush on my boss, my super young, out of my league, boss. It`s very annoying, and inconvenient.” She complained and her friend laughed at her distress.

“I don`t know, Clarke. You have only known her for a week. You are just discovering all of her dazzling qualities, and even I can admit to _there_ being quite a few of them, but I think you`ll figure out that she is not really your type pretty soon.” Raven sighed.

“Not my type? How so?” Clarke had to ask. She had trouble imagining finding something about Lexa that she didn`t like.

“I don`t think she has ever been in a monogamous committed relationship Clarke. She is all about sexual freedom, and I know you support that idea, but you would want a commitment from your own partner, right?” Raven had hit the nail on the head in terms of compatibility. Clarke respected peoples need for freedom to define their own relationships, she respected that people had different needs in terms of fidelity and exclusivity, but she also knew herself. She was a one at the time type of girl. She was monogamous and needed her partner to bee too.

Maybe this was exactly what she needed, knowing that Lexa, however fantastic she was, could never give Clarke what she would need in a relationship.

 

They ended up going to sleep earlier than Clarke had anticipated. Raven would usually keep her up all night, drinking and talking, but now she insisted on Clarke getting rest before her big day. It felt nice to have Raven take care of her. The tension from Clarke`s new job had been taking a toll on them, but now Clarke felt like they were on the right track.

 

 

Clarke was leaning over the railing to the VIP-area, watching the rehearsal on stage with fascination. Lexa had not been kidding about artistic integrity. Christine and the Queens had it all, the beat, the sound, the choreography… It was amazing to watch. Heloïse really managed to bring a modern artistic expression into pop-culture, and it was so dam cool.

Clarke had watched Lexa greet the woman with the excitement of old friends meeting after being apart for too long. She had talked a mile a minute, in French, leaving Clarke transfixed, despite her best effort to remember their incompatibility. The way Lexa and Heloïse touched each other with such familiarity and intimacy didn`t help. Her jealousy was flaring, making her feel like she was back in high school, scowling at the girl who had her crush`s attention.

 

She was brought out of her thoughts when Octavia joined her.

“Hey Clarke, how is your nose?” the girl smirked, and Clarke had to laugh.

“My nose is fine, thank you. How are you?” She replied, trying not to blush at the thought of the disastrous first impression she must have given to the girl.

Before Octavia could reply, someone called her name and she tensed. Clarke turned to see Bellamy, with Gina Martin on his arm. His face was a storm of emotions, ranging from fearful to hopeful.

 

“Text Lexa,” Octavia whispered, almost inaudibly, startling Clarke. Octavia`s whole body was tense, and Clarke knew this kind of reaction. She took out her phone, as casually and relaxed as she could muster, and texted Lexa to get there ASAP.

“You are Gina Martin!” she strode forward, hoping her acting skills would pull her through.

“I am ha huge fan,” Clarke gushed stretched out her hand in greating.

“I`m Clarke Griffin, leader of the new center for abuse victims at the ABF”

Gina smiled enthusiastically and shook her hand. The Blake siblings looked bewildered at Clarke`s apparent cluelessness, and loud fangirl reaction to meeting Gina. Before they could shift their focus back to each other Lexa appeared with two security guards in tow.

“Bellamy, I am going to have to ask you to leave.” She said quietly as she placed herself between the siblings. Octavia seemed to relax at her presence, but Bellamy got a look of defiance in his eye that told Clarke that this could get ugly.

Lexa`s voice might have been quiet and calm, but her posture said it all. She was like a lioness protecting her cub from danger.

“Need I remind you that you are currently in violation of your restraining order?” Bellamy`s face fell at her words. He looked heartbroken, and Clarke felt bad for him. He nodded and took Gina`s hand.

“I am sorry Gina, I guess we`ll watch it on tv,” he turned to leave, but stopped.

“For what it`s worth, I am so sorry O. I never meant to hurt you! I am so sorry,” he left and Clarke felt like an intruder, so she quietly made her exit as well. She could see Lexa taking Octavia into her arms, and her heart broke for the young girl as she sobbed into her sister`s shoulder.

 

 

The concert was over, it had been a huge success and Clarke felt overwhelmed. She was star struck by all the celebrities that surrounded her and wanted to talk about the ABF`s work and her plans for the new center. It felt unreal and flattering to get so much attention for her work, and by the time it was time to head home she was exhausted.

Everybody else seemed to be going to a party, their spirits high after the nights events, but Clarke felt the need to be alone and process what she had been a part of. She snuck out the back and exited the stadium just in time to see Lexa`s car drive out of the parking lot.

To her surprise Lexa came out right after her, carrying her blazer over her shoulder, looking both exhausted and happy.

“You did a great job today Clarke, and I would like to thank you for what you did for Octavia earlier. She will probably tell you herself, but it meant a lot,” Lexa rested her hand on Clarke`s shoulder. She looked sad and Clarke recognized the worry in her eyes.

“Any time.” Clarke didn`t know what else to say.

“Are you going home?” Lexa asked as they walked towards Clarke`s car.

Clarke nodded, she needed sleep, but couldn`t help wishing Lexa was going somewhere with this question.

“A few friends a gathering at my place, would you like to come?” They stopped in front of her car, and Clarke hesitated. She was pretty sure Heloïse would be among those friends, but maybe that would be a good thing. Maybe it would help her to get over her crush if she saw Lexa with someone else. Or it would just be a night of torture.

“You can even stay the night. I have plenty of guest rooms, so you can go to bed at any time you want,” Lexa smiled and raised her eyebrow in invitation, and Clarke was sold.

“Fine. Do you need a ride?” she asked as she opened the car door, but Lexa shook her head smiling.

“I`ll walk. It`s a nice night for it,” Clarke looked around, confused.

“Don`t you live in the middle of the forest?” 

“It`s not far through the woods over there,” Lexa pointed “you are welcome to join me.”

Clarke could feel herself gaping.

“Join you? In walking through the forest, in the dark?” she asked, and Lexa nodded and smiled at her. She held out her hand, and whatever doubt Clarke had vanished. She held Lexa`s warm hand and let her lead her in the direction of the dark forest.

 

The moon provided surprisingly good light for the walk and Lexa seemed to know the way. Clarke had always been a little afraid of the dark, and the unknown, but Lexa`s hand and confidence made her feel safe.

“I wouldn`t have thought you were the type to run around in the forest in the middle of the night,” she said and Lexa chuckled.

“No? So, you figure that I am a typical big city girl from Paris, completely lost outside the concrete jungle?” she teased.

“Well, most people I know who grew up in the city would rather die than be here right now. Come to think of it, they would probably assume that you are planning to kill me.” She added thoughtfully.

Lexa laughed again and the sound went straight to Clarke`s heart. She realized that Lexa rarely laughed so freely.

“Rest assured, I have no bad intentions.” Clarke could see her smile in the pale moonlight and her eyes glittered in its reflection. It was breathtaking, she never wanted the moment to end, but she stumbled and Lexa had to hold her hand tightly so she wouldn`t fall.

“My grandparents have a large estate in the countryside outside of Paris, and I loved being there when I grew up. I would spend all day exploring the forest and climbing trees. It always gave me a feeling of freedom. When I am lucky, I still find that feeling in these woods sometimes,” she sounded mournful, like she longed to be a child again. Perhaps she longed for a less complicated time in her life.

 

“A large estate huh? Is it the Versailles? I heard that was originally a hunting cabin or something,” she asked, trying to lighted the mood. Lexa barked a laugh and shoved her playfully.

“Someone, I don`t remember who, said that you are old royalty. Is that true?” Clarke wouldn`t normally ask about a stupid rumor like that, but it felt harmless, and she wanted to keep the mood playful.

Lexa laughed again. And shook her head.

“No, absolutely not. My grandparents are wealthy, but of their own making. They both came from meagre means. Bois means woods,” she looked around her, “or forest. My grand pére came from a small village in a forest, so when he came to Paris he took that name.” Lexa squeezed Clarke`s hand and smiled at her. They were standing in a clearing on a small hill looking over a lake bathed in moonlight. Clarke could see the glow of lights in a house on the on the other side of the lake and guessed that to be Lexa`s house. 

 

Someone was lighting a fire on the other side of the lake and Clarke realized that this would be a different kind of party than she was used to. She was a big city girl, born and raised in Arkadia on the sunny west coast. There had probably been bon fire parties at the beach, but she had never attended one. The closest she came to a beach party, was pool parties.

 

Lexa sat down on a large rock and looked out on to the lake with a pained expression in her eyes. The moon light was bright enough to see her clearly, but just dim enough to give the forest surrounding them an air of mystery.

Clarke sat next to her and took in the sight before her. The lake below them was bathed in moonlight, the trees surrounding it casting long dark shadows. She could see what she assumed to be Lexa`s house quite clearly. It was surprisingly modern and very large. She had been expecting something older, more in the style of an old mansion from the English country side, or in timber. She almost chuckled at her own stupidity.

The house was surrounded by a few other houses, a garage, a outhouse of sorts, but what really fascinated Clarke was the floating gazebo. It was beautifully formed and was floating quite far from the dock at the house. She could imagine sitting with her feet in the water, reading, on at hot summer day.

 

“It`s beautiful,” she whispered

Lexa nodded, but looked like she was far away in her mind.

“I bet you swim in that lake every day” Clarke said tentatively. She chanced a glance at Lexa.

She had never seen such heartbreak in her life as she saw in Lexa in that moment. The young woman beside her didn`t move or make a sound, but her eyes were wet from unsplled tears, shining in the moonlight. She was clearly struggling to contain her emotions, and all Clarke wanted was to comfort her. To hold her close and take away her pain, whatever it might be.

 

“I used to, but I haven`t in a long time” she said when Clarke placed her hand on top of Lexa`s own.

“I`m sure you will again Lexa,” Clarke said, not pushing for any more.

Lexa smiled gratefully and turned her hand to grasp Clarke`s.

 

The climb down the hill was a bit more challenging and Clarke needed Lexa`s help more than once. Not that she minded the brunette`s hands on her to steady her or when she caught her after jumping off a rock. Clarke usually hated being the damsel in distress, but tonight her inexperience with uneven and rocky paths in the dark provided her with the perfect excuse to let Lexa hold her hand and guide her along.  

 

She could see the glow from the fire through the trees, it made the shadows in front of them dance and the path even harder to see.

“So, this is where you tell me that you are planning on sacrificing me on that big ass fire, isn`t it?” Clarke jokes and Lexa laughs again. Her eyes fill with mirth and it warms Clarke`s heart.

“I promise you that I will do no such thing, but I can`t speak for Anya. She is still salty about the broken nose.” Clarke stumbled at Lexa`s words. She knew she wasn`t serious about the sacrificing, but she didn`t feel confident that Anya liked her. That woman was an enigma, a slightly scary enigma.

Lexa caught her and smirked down at her.

“You don`t have to be scared of her Clarke. She is all bark and no bite”

 

When they emerged from the woods they were greeted by three very cheerful women. Clarke looked around to see where the other party guests were. She was expecting all the stars from the concert to be gathered, but she couldn`t see anyone.

“Sorry Clarke, it`s just us!” Anya said and greeted her with a surprising hug. She had obviously been drinking.

“You are a brave woman Clarke. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.” Heloïse grasped her hand and greeted her with a look of admiration. Her French accent was very clear and Clarke caught herself wishing that Lexa too had an accent. It didn`t have quite the same effect as the French language, but it came close.

Octavia didn`t get up from her chair, but waved at her, drink in hand.

“Brave to come here and party with you?” Clarke asked the petit French woman.

Heloïse smiled, her eyes glittering in the light of the fire. It gave her pale skin a warmer color.

“Yes of course, but also, because you followed Lexa through the woods. She is crazy that woman. I would never trust her in the dark forest,” her English might be heavily accented, but there was something about the pronunciation that was distinctly British.

 

Lexa greeted her in the French manner, with kisses on the cheeks before she punched her friend on the shoulder.

They all settled in comfortable chairs around the fire, and Lexa made sure everybody had their favorite drink. Anya was drinking white wine, Octavia had a beer and the French ladies nursed glasses of red wine. Clarke sipped a fantastic gin and tonic. She had to remember to check out what kind of gin and tonic she was being served.

They talked about the concert, what performances had moved them the most and Clarke found Heloïse to be a fascinating woman. She was clearly an intellectual type, but her French way of forming sentences made everything she said seem extra charming in a way. It almost let Clarke ignore the fact that Lexa was so familiar with her, and that they had an obvious close bond. She knew it was stupid to be jealous, she had no reason to be, no claim to Lexa. She barely knew the woman, but she still found those nagging feelings in the pit of her stomach.

Anya, the ever observant one, would sometimes cock an eyebrow at her when the feeling flared inside her. The woman was annoyingly perceptive, but as Clarke had more to drink she found herself just glaring in return, giving Anya a silent fuck off.

 

After a lot of talking about the concert Anya announced that they were going to play a drinking game. Lexa groaned in exasperation.

“Really? Will you ever get over the collage days way of drinking?” Lexa snapped, but Anya waved her off.

“This one is fun, I promise!” she insured.

“It`s called true confessions. Have you seen it on TV?” she asked excitedly.

Octavia was the only one that had seen it, so Anya had to explain the rules from scratch. They were all going to write 5 true statements about themselves, and 5 false ones. They would take turns reading theirs out loud, and then the other players would have one minute to interrogate them and figure out if it was true or not. You had to take on sip for every player who got it right, and every player who got it wrong had to take one sip.

The game was easy enough, but they all spent a lot of time coming up with truths and lies about themselves. For the first time of the night Clarke felt like she had the advantage, since she was new to the group.

The game also turned out to be a great way to get to know one another. Clarke had to prove to the rest of the group that she could, in fact, play the guitar and sing.  One song turned into several duets with Heloïse, and a few sing-alongs with the rest. Clarke suspicion that Anya was bat shit crazy was confirmed, Octavia proved herself to be quite the badass and Lexa looked truly happy. She was sunk back in her chair, cuddled into blankets with her legs curled up in her seat, smiling contently, laughing her beautiful laugh. She also turned out to be incredibly difficult to read. She had total control of her emotions as she read out her statements, and Clarke wondered if she was losing her touch or if the alcohol was to blame for her inability to read her.

A lot of funny stories was shared, and Clarke felt at home with women surrounding her. She was feeling quite buzzed when Lexa picked up the last note of the night to read. She looked serious, and vulnerable suddenly.

“I have a penis,” she said quietly, so seriously that the rest of the group just stared at her.

When she stared the timer all three women launched into a flurry of questions, giggling, but Lexa cept a straight face. She informed them that she was intersex, not trans, answered questions about her size, her feelings about it, all with such conviction that even though Clarke knew there was no way she could have fitted one in to the pair of panties she had seen Lexa wear, she felt herself doubting.

The minute was up, and everyone had to pick truth or lie. Anya started, stating it was a lie, because she had seen Lexa naked many times. This surprised Clarke, but she didn`t dwell on it. Octavia agreed, but she made it clear that she had not, unlike Anya, take up the habit of hot tubbing nude with her sister. It was Clarke`s turn and she debated what to say.

“I have heard rumors about this, but not even the most devoted drag queens I know could hide their junk in the kind of panties you were,” Anya`s eyes widened at her words, but Clarke payed it no mind.

“I say it is a lie, but you might just be one of those lesbians who are way too attached to her strap-on, hence the rumors,” she shrugged and Anya roared with laughter. Octavia looked uncomfortable and Heloïse had a dangerous glint in her eye. She could see that Lexa saw it too and narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“I think that is an excellent theory Clarke, and I would support it had it not been for the fact that I know first-hand that Lexa is an absolute disaster with a strap-on” Anya chocked on her wine, coughing and laughing at the same time, Octavia covered her ears, and Lexa looked embarrassed for the first time this evening. Her ears were bright red and she scowled at Heloïse.

“Fuck you Heloïse. I was a scrawny fifteen-year-old. That harness was way too big for me” she yelled, and Octavia got up and left, mumbling about too much information. Anya, the idiot, had just taken another sip of wine and now it was all coming out of her nose. Clarke was shaking with laughter at the two women now bickering in French in front of her.

The night soon wound down after that, and Clarke was shown to a guestroom. As she laid down in the comfortable bed, in her borrowed night clothes she caught herself wondering if Heloïse was spending the night in a guestroom, or if she was spending it with Lexa.

 

 

Lexa was laying in the hammock, looking out at the lake. Clouds had formed during the night, and she could smell the rain in the air.

It had been a good night, and she was happy that she had brought Clarke along. The walk through the woods had been her favorite part of the evening. There was something about being with Clarke that was so comfortable, easy, she made her feel safe. She thought back to the touch of her cold hand on her own when she had been struggling with the overwhelming emotions that talking about the lake usually brought up in her.

Clarke`s quiet comforting words. They were so simple, they didn`t demand anything from her, just gave her a tiny bit of hope that one day she would be able to swim again.

 

Her train of thoughts were interrupted by the movement of the hammock. Heloïse was sitting at the edge, signaling for her to make room.

“ _I can`t do this now”_ she said quietly.

_“Is it Clarke?”_ Heloïse looked at her with warmth a curiosity. Their intimate relationship had always been on an off, their friendship always coming first. There was no jealousy, and they could always speak freely.

Lexa shook her head, images of blond hair and mischievous blue eyes flashing in her mind.

_“Lexa. What is wrong? I can see that you are suffering”_ Heloïse really looked her now, in that way that only an old friend can. She leaned over Lexa and brushed a few strands of hair from her face.

The weight of her friends stare med it hard for Lexa to breathe. The tightness in her chest turning in to a burning pain.

Heloïse gently put her hand over Lexa`s wildly beating heart.

_“I love you Lexa. You are my oldest friend and I will do anything for you. Your pain is my pain, you joy is mine, and I will go to the ends of this earth for you if it helps you heal”_

 Lexa closed her eyes to avoid the stinging of her tears, but she was tired of fighting, so when Heloïse laid down beside her and held her close, she released the sobs that had been trapped in her chest. She let the floodgates open.

When Heloïse kissed her, it felt like coming home, and when she tore the Heolïse`s t-shirt off in one brutal ripping motion she channeled all of her pain and grief into passion. She would hate herself in the morning.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don`t hate me. this is an important part of Lexa`s journey. Sorry...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember me? No? Well, I can`t say I blame you.  
> My life took a few turns, and I haven`t been able to write for a long time. Things a better now, and I hope to finish this story, but it will be slow going. Hopefully not as slow as it has been.
> 
> I haven`t really read through this, jut wanted to get it out there.

The rain was pouring down, making the path a dangerous combination of mud and slippery roots. Lexa tired her hardest to focus on her footing, but images of the night spent with Heloïse filled her head. It had felt so good to be with someone again, to be with her friend, but the guilt was tearing her apart when she woke up.

Jealous blue eyes haunted her in her mind. Promises of love and devotion rang in her ears, and the burning pain of loss clawed at her chest.

Normally a run cleared her head, helped her control the growing panic, but no matter how hard she pushed herself this morning, she felt like a storm was raging within her. The logical part of her brain had been telling her to slow down for several minutes when she slipped on an exposed root and took to tumbling down a hill. There was nothing graceful about her fall, and when she landed with a splash at the bottom of the hill she counted herself lucky to be alive.

She was already soaked before the fall, and a little mud made no difference to her now. She relaxed into the muddy puddle she was in, let the cold dirty water seep into her hair and clothing and just focused on the excruciating pain of being alive.

She kept telling herself that she was alive. She had survived for so long, but last night she had gotten a taste of living again, and she missed it. She missed living.

She didn`t know what it meant, or didn`t feel ready to admit it to herself yet, but she knew it was there. A feeling she hadn`t felt in so long, a need that she had ignored was lingering at the edges of her conciseness.

 

 

Clarke stumbled into the kitchen, feeling like a train wreck. She had not even been that drunk the night before, and yet her head was killing her.

The heavenly smell of bacon filled her nostrils and for once she was very grateful to see Anya`s smirking face. She was frying bacon at the stove, a huge pile of pancakes already sitting on the counter. Octavia was munching some fresh fruit, looking annoyingly good, while Heloïse was resting her head on the table. Clarke was not sure if she was awake or sleeping.

“You don`t get to groan and complain about exhaustion Heloïse. Not when the cause of your exhaustion is…. “ Anya was cut off by Octavia holding her ears and shouting for her to stop.

“Can we just sit in a room together for two minutes without talking about my sister`s body, or sex life?” she complained.

“I second that” Clarke said as she sat down. She had no need to hear the details. The images she had in her head was more than enough of a torment.

Anya turned towards Clarke and smiled knowingly.

“Really Clarke? You didn`t seem to mind last night, when the subject was Lexa`s body, and when was it that you got such a thorough look at Lexa in her underwear?” Anya cocked an eyebrow and Clarke wanted to throw her glass of juice at her.

“You know dam well when. Don`t pretend like it wasn`t your plan all along. What I don`t understand is why Lexa wrote such a terrible lie when she knew everyone here would see right through it.” Clarke deflected, and Anya grinned at her.

“She didn`t. I wrote it and put in her pile.”

The three other women looked at her, expecting an explanation.

“What?” Anya shrugged, “That happens to be one of my favorite rumors about Lexa. I just wanted to see her sell it.” She grinned. “What I wasn`t expecting was for you” she pointed to Clarke, “to actually have a hilarious theory, and for you” she pointed to Helöise,” to reveal that the mighty Lexa Bois wasn`t perfect at something.” She laughed, and Octavia frowned.

“Yes, well, I might have to take it back…” Helöise mumbled, Octavia groaned in frustration and Clarke found her head filling with images that she didn`t want to be plagued with.

Octavia looked like she was about to say something snarky when she stopped, looking wide eyed out the window.  Clarke followed her line of sight and almost fell off her chair at the sight of Lexa exiting the woods. She was covered in mud, even her hair was full of it, and she looked utterly defeated. Her shoulders were slumped and there was no spring to her step.

“Oh, fuck! I was hoping she was just up in the dojo beating on a doll or something,” Helöise breathed.

“What the fuck did you do to my sister?” Octavia whirled on Helöise, who looked stunned at the accusatory tone in the girl`s voice.

Anya followed Lexa with her eyes as she walked down to the lake and sat down at the end of the pier and stared into the water. She looked guarded as she turned towards the others again. It made Clarke wonder if there was more going on here than met the eye.

She felt out of place, like an intruder in this room where everyone knew Lexa intimately, except her.

“I didn`t do anything to your sister that we haven`t done a hundred times before. This isn`t about me,” Helöise answered calmly.

“Really? Because I have never seen here like that before, and I can`t really think of anything else that has changed since last night,” Octavia crossed her arms over her chest, looking fiercely protective, and Clarke understood. She had seen firsthand how Lexa protected Octavia last night.

Helöise turned to Anya looking exasperated.

“She doesn`t know?”

 

 

 

Anya squirmed under the French woman`s stare. Clarke had never seen her this uncomfortable. Come to think of it, she had never seen Anya not being in total control of a situation. Clarke glanced at Octavia, who looked as confused as Clarke felt.

 

“It`s not my place to tell Lexa`s story to anyone” Anya bit back.

Helöise arched an eyebrow at her.

“I see. Ever the loyal solider, Anya?” Clarke could see how the question cut at the woman, and she wondered what the story was.

“She has a right to her privacy Helöise” Anya growled.

“You and I both know that Lexa needs help to take care of herself sometimes. I haven`t seen her this out of it since Raven. Hell, this is even worse.”

“What the hell is going on with my sister?” Octavia cut in. “And who the fuck is Raven?”

Anya glanced at Clarke and then at Helöise.

“Don`t look at them. Answer me,” Octavia demanded.

Clarke looked around the room at the other women. They were all tense. They all loved Lexa and had a close relationship with her. Clarke barely knew her. She let her gaze wander out the window to Lexa`s hunched figure sitting by the water.

She wanted more than anything to go to her, to hold her and be there for her.

“Raven broke Lexa`s heart in college, and now her heart is broken again” Helöise said glaring at Anya.

Clarke couldn`t help herself when she heard the statement.

“I think there is a little more to it than that,” she said, regretting it immediately. Helöise and Anya both glared at her.

“That is just great!” Octavia yelled. “I am the only one who is out of the loop huh?” she had tears in her eyes now, and Clarke wanted to let her know that she wasn`t really in the loop either, but Anya beat her to it.

“That`s not true O. Clarke is Raven`s friend, and that is all in the past. It doesn`t matter anymore.” She moved closer to Octavia, but the younger girl moved away.

“I think Lexa just didn`t want to burden you with anything” Anya tried, but Octavia tensed up and looked ready to commit murder.

 

“Right. So just because I was beaten within an inch of my life by my fiancé, locked in a basement by my brother and father, I can`t be trusted?” She was crying now.

“Fuck you!” she spat and left the room.

Anya sighed and shook her head. She suddenly looked very tired, and Clarke thought that this was probably a side of the woman that few people knew. She averted her gaze, but didn`t really have anywhere else to look, so she stared at her food.

 

“I`ll go talk to O. I think perhaps you should go talk to Lexa,”

For a second Clarke thought that Anya was talking to her, but soon realized that she was long forgotten. She was little more than the furniture in the room to them now.

Helöise nodded her head, leaving Clarke alone in the kitchen.

The house suddenly felt very quiet and empty, sitting all alone in the huge forest. It made the city girl in Clarke restless, but she had no idea what to do, so she found the guitar in the living room and went to her room to play.  

 

She didn`t play anything in particular, just strummed the guitar and hummed as she watched the scene by the lake. Out there in the rain, a muddy Lexa paced back and forth like a caged animal, gesticulating wildly and rubbing away tears. Helöise sat with her back to the house, following Lexa`s movements calmly with her head. They might have been arguing, but Heöise seemed mostly to listen, so Clarke guessed Lexa was venting.

Finally, Lexa sat down with her friend and rested her head on her shoulder. She looked like she was crying, and her friend comforted her, putting her arm around her.

In that moment Lexa didn`t seem so formidable. She was vulnerable, and it mad Clarke`s heart ache for her. She had this inexplicable need, desire to be Lexa`s shoulder to cry on. She wanted to be the one to hold her, to be the one Lexa turned to…

Clarke shook herself and got up. This stupid crush on her boss had to end. She put the guitar on the bed and decided to go downstairs where there wasn`t such a great opportunity to spy on a private moment. What kind of friend and employee was she? She felt disgusted with herself, but before she could pry herself away from the image of Lexa being held by someone else there was a knock on her door.

 

“Hey” Octavia said quietly. She was dressed in athletic gear, all black, and had her dark hair tied up in a ponytail. Her body language gave away her nervousness, so Clarke smiled at her reassuringly. It was a smile she used to make patients feel safe. Normally she wouldn`t use such a “trick” in her private life, but after the outburst of information Octavia had earlier, she figured the young woman was there totalk about something difficult.

 

“What are you up to?” a seemingly innocent question. An easy conversation starter, but it made Clarke jump guiltily.

“Except spying on your crush” Octavia smirked, and Clarke felt her face redden. Was she really that obvious?

Octavia smiled warmly at her, peering out the window at Lexa`s crying form in the rain.

“I`ve never seen her cry before.” Octavia looked fascinated.

“I haven`t known Lexa all my life like most siblings. She was already an adult when she finally agreed to meet me, and still, I feel like a little girl looking up to her indestructible sister. It hadn`t even occurred to me that she might be struggling with her own shit.” Octavia sat down heavily on the bed.

Clarke had no idea what to say. Octavia might still have it in her head that Clarke knew something she didn`t, but the accusatory tint in her voice was gone.

“I`m sorry I snapped earlier. I`m a bit on edge with the trial coming up. Still, I overreacted. It just scares me. She is my rock, my everything at the moment, and I have never seen her crack before.” A tear rolled down her cheek and Clarke sat down next to her, laying a hand carefully over hers.

“I am slowly building myself back up, getting stronger every day, but I still feel so dependent on her. Even last night when Bell showed up.” Octavia gave Clarke a small smile.

“Thank you for that by the way. I have a feeling you busted out your inner fangirl just for me.” They both laughed at that. Lightening the mood, a little bit.

“I know this is none of my business, but did he really lock you in the basement? He seemed so heartbroken last night that I thought he had done something far less cruel.” Clarke couldn`t help herself. Octavia`s outburst in the kitchen had shocked her.

Octavia just looked out the window for a while. Helöise was hosing Lexa down now. They were laughing, splashing water like children.

 

“I met Atom my first year in College,” Octavia started.

“Fucked up name, I know. It`s short for Anthony Thomas. He was a friend of Bell and kind of a bad boy, except when he was with me. He could be so sweet and caring, and I fell head over heels for him.

Bellamy hated it of course, and I just figured he was being a stupid overprotecting big brother. He kept trying to keep us apart or trying to convince me that he wasn`t good enough for me. I was so pissed at him,” Octavia laughed a bitter laugh.

“It all changed as soon as I accepted his proposal. Bellamy was livid, and dad was overjoyed. He was working on this huge deal with Thomas Oil, Atom`s dad, and saw my relationship as the perfect way to seal the deal.

Bellamy started to argue with Atom, jerk him around and bully him to try to make him break off the engagement. Things started to get really heated between the two, and Atom started taking it out on me. He reasoned that it was my brother who was making him miserable, his need to protect me, and therefore my fault.

It started out with small things like harsh words, then slaps until finally he just snapped completely and came at me with all of his fury. He would have killed me if I hadn`t hit him over the had with a lamp,” Clarke held on to Octavia`s trembling hand.

“I got away and called Bell, thought he would take me to the ER, or at least call the cops, but he didn`t. He and dad were so afraid of what would happen to their precious deal with Thomas Oil that they would rather lock me in than for the truth to get out.

It wasn`t a dungeon or anything. I was in a bed and tended to by the best doctors you can buy off, but I wanted the police, and they wouldn`t let me go. What they didn`t count on however was how Lexa would react when I told her. Dad is used to people doing what they are told, but when he refused to let Lexa see me, she came back with the full force of the PPD.” Octavia smiled as she told Clarke about how Lexa had made sure that all the people who had wronged her were charged for their crimes. How she had made a place for Octavia in her home, gotten her all the mental and physical help she needed and how they trained in self-defense with trainers every Saturday.

     

“I am so sorry you had to go through all that Octavia. I think you seem to have come a long way in quite a short amount of time” Clarke said, still holding on to Octavia`s hand. Octavia gave it a squeeze, as she looked out the window to Lexa, who was now peeling off her wet clothing.

Clarke had to look away from the tanned abs that were now on display down by the water. She didn`t need more images of Lexa for her brain to play with after she had gone to bed at night.

“I owe it all to Lexa. She saved my life…” Octavia trailed of as she gazed out the window.

“Listen. You have been through some very traumatic events, and Lexa has certainly contributed to your recovery, but you are the one doing the hard work. You are saving yourself,” Clarke held Octavia`s rapidly liquifying gaze for a long time, letting her word really settle for the young woman.

Octavia nodded and got up, wiping away a stray tear rolling down her cheek.

“Anyway… I actually came up her to tell you that Anya is giving Helöise a ride to the airport and offered to take you to the stadium to pick up your car at the same time.” She pulled herself together and smiled timidly at Clarke.

The moment was gone, and Clarke smiled back at the young woman. She had been through hell and Clarke had nothing but admiration for the work she had put in to recover. Most of the patients she had seen would spend years, sometimes their entire lives, recovering from abuse. Octavia would probably spend a long time still until she was fully healed, but she was in remarkable good shape considering the short time that had passed.

“There is clean underwear in the second drawer in the bathroom if you would like a shower before you go. Anya said that there was no rush,” Octavia smiled as she left the room and Clarke wondered if spare clean underwear for her guests was something Lexa needed a lot of. She shook off the thought. Lexa did live in the middle of nowhere, and clean underwear in her guest bathroom was the least she could offer when getting home was a rather difficult task to accomplish without getting a DUI.

 

Clarke took a long refreshing shower, secretly hoping that Anya was sitting around bored, waiting for her. That woman was a menace and Clarke wouldn`t be the least bit surprised if she called Clarke out on her stupid crush in front of Lexa one of these days.

When she got down from her room the others were gathered in the living room. Anya was speaking in French with Helöise and Lexa was laughing. She was in sportswear again. Tight spandex and a sports bra. Her abs were flexing as she laughed, and Clarke internally cursed her for her lack of shyness.

“Oh, finally! Someone who doesn`t speak French. Please save me Clarke” Octavia yelled, and Lexa lit up at the sight of her.

“Clarke! It is so good to see you. I am sorry I missed you this morning,” Lexa showed no sign of her earlier distress as she kissed Clarke`s cheeks.

“And Anya doesn`t speak French, she butchers it. I can hardly understand what she is saying,” Helöise quipped and Anya scowled at her.

“I lived in France for seven years and spoke it every fucking day!” she defended herself, looking offended.

“Considering the crowd you ran with, you were probably all shit at it” Helöise laughed and Anya flipped her off. She looked genuinely offended, and Clarke could sense some of the tension from earlier seep into the room.

“Pay them no mind Clarke.” Lexa looked at her with warm eyes, and Clarke felt like she was the only one in the room. “How are you feeling. Would you like something to eat before you go?”

“Arrogant Parisian” Anya muttered, bringing Clarke back to reality.

She declined Lexa`s offer for food. If she was going to get over this crush she needed to stop putting herself in situations where Lexa would be in any state of undress. Which meant that she would have to stop seeing Lexa outside of work.

A car pulled up outside and two women in sportswear stepped out. Octavia jumped off the couch, looking more excited than anyone should the day after a party.  

“I wish I could take you back to your car myself, but I have training with Octavia now, and I guess you would like to get back home sooner rather than later. I hope you can survive the car ride with those two.” Lexa smiled apologetically rolling her eyes at Anya and Helöise.

“What kind of training do you do?” Clarke peered over Lexa`s shoulder at the two women who were making their way up towards one of the buildings towards the back of the property.

“It`s a form of martial arts that focuses on self-defense. I would love to show you one day. Perhaps we could teach it at the new center?” Lexa`s green eyes shone with excitement.

“Why don`t you tell me more about it some time, and maybe I can come and watch you train,” Clarke imagined Lexa, muscles flexing, glistening with sweat… she shook the image off.

“So, I can get a sense of how it would work in the treatment program that we are developing,” she finished, hoping that the heat she was feeling on her face was less visible from the outside.

    Lexa and Octavia grinned at her before they said their goodbyes. Clarke really tried her hardest not to look at Lexa`s backside as she walked away, but the smirk Anya sported when she turned around told her that she not been subtle.

“What?” She shrugged and glared at Anya. “I have eyes” she tried to sound cool about it, but it came out more aggressive than she had anticipated. Anya and Helöise both laughed at her.

 

The ride to the stadium was mostly quiet. She texted with Raven, planning to meet up with her later that night to have dinner and watch a movie. As she drove home in her own car she wondered how she would manage to balance her friendship with Raven and her new closeness to Lexa. She had no delusions about ever being romantic with Lexa, but she was sure her crush would pass, and that a friendship was developing.

 

 

The ores felt foreign in Lexa`s hands. The rough wood was damp, and her movements were jerky after little practice the last year. Still, her little rowboat made good speed over the water, and before she was quite ready she glided up to the floating gazebo. It didn`t look much worse for wear, but it had somehow lost it`s soul since she was last here. She wasn`t filled with warmth and peace as she stepped out of the boat, but with a cold numbness that had filled her for so long.

Her conversation with Helöise rattled around in her head as she circled the gazebo, letting her fingers trail the railing. Was she ready to let go, to move on and be happy? Was she ready for there to be someone else? Her chest constricted at the thought.

The door wasn`t locked, but it was a bit slow to open and the hinges screamed as she pushed it all the way open. A flow of memories washed over her as she entered, and she had to sit down to catch her breath. Blue eyes and a teasing smile haunted her as she laid her head down in the pillows. They didn`t smell of her anymore. They didn`t smell of them.

Lexa gently ran her hands over the green leather of the book resting in her lap. She could feel herself being sucked back in to that black hole that she had been in in the beginning. All she could feel was pain.

She did nothing to stop her tears, the snot or the sobs that sounded like they came from someone else.

“why did you leave me?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot on my plate in life, so I don`t know how often I will be able to update. Sorry. I will do my best to keep it regular...


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